If I Had a Heart

by theappliedprocess

“If I had a heart I could love you… if I had a voice I would sing”

After my half day long right angle trip (LAX-FFL-JFK) to New York I made it back safe and sound but somewhat insane. I cabbed it home and quickly acclimated myself at my apartment before rushing to work a couple hours later. We had a big event that night and I got there just in time to put the finishing touches and have my usual whore’s bath in the bathroom before looking presentable for the guests.

Despite the wishy washy rain, the event went great. I’d invited a lot of people who didn’t show up, but ‘Nickle’ did towards the end which made me smile. I wanted to get feedback about him from my coworkers. He left a bit before we finished. I told him I might meet him later but to be honest, I had my own plans to go see DJ. I went to the after party and drank a few free whiskey gingers as I waited for the monsoonic rain to stop or slow down. After realizing it probably wouldn’t, I stole an umbrella and started walking to “church” until eventually I found a cab.

The night was customary. Hung out with the bar staff, flirted with DJ, ran into guys I know, some guy tried to snatch DJ, the usual.The trick in question this night was a Spanish expat who lives in London and knew DJ from his many work trips over there. He was with some other over-the-pond fashion queen who was incredibly drunk (or on drugs), and at some point in the night managed to fall face first and bust his lip. I was a bit drunk and ready to call it a night when my feral alpha male instincts kicked in. Wednesdays are my unofficial days and although we have nothing established or set in stone, I take the liberty of expecting to be the one who ends up in bed with DJ over any other trick who might try to. If I’m there, he’s mine. Any other day, you are more than welcome to have him.

The bar started emptying out quite early. At around 3 am DJ decided to leave. I was outside with the Spaniard and his numb sidekick with the blood red lipstick. DJ offered the trick to take him out since he was from out of town, but somehow he made it subtly clear that I was the flavor of the night. With hopes that he might change his mind, or that he might join us both, he abandoned his injured comrade and came with us. All is fair in “love” and war.

We walked over to an almost empty The Cock, stayed for a drink and went home. In his last attempt to win the battle or at least join the allied forces, the Spaniard tried to unsuccessfully kiss us both. He had no chance. There was no battle to be had in the first place.

Without any sexy time, we both passed out fairly quickly.

Thursday I woke up early with plans to go home, defibrillate, and get back to my regular schedule. I soon remembered that my regular schedule is different Thursday mornings. After a quick jerk off session, DJ suggested we get breakfast together. Being a sucker for reassurance that I hold the bull by the balls, I agreed. We walked to a local cafe and ordered some food. I teased him about the quasi secretive way he goes about his boys. It is sort of an unspoken rule that we don’t make it utterly public that we’ve been hanging out for so long. He doesn’t flaunt other boys in my face, and I don’t either. It’s refreshing to have someone like him. I also found out he’d hooked up with the Spaniard before. I was not surprised.

We left and walked towards my work. Halfway there he took a detour to the bank and we kissed goodbye.

Upon arrival, ‘The Cock of the North’ giggled at the fact that he could smell the sweat I perspired during my walk of shame. The day was busy but not too bad. I hired an intern. I left on time, went home, showered, and headed out for the uneventful Fashion’s Night Out. To be fair, I didn’t give it much of a chance. I just went to the OAK party, walked down Mercer terrified at the ridiculously long cues outside most stores offering mild sales and free drinks and, despite having made tentative plans with “The Lady of Derbishire’ to meet up, I sailed through the seas of amateur fashionistas all the way down to Chinatown to meet ‘Fixie’ and his best friend who was visiting for a drink at Apotheke. My night took an interesting, yet pleasant, turn.

We sipped on a cocktail, and opted for dinner. Noodles. Then I suggested we go to “church” for some free Jesus Juice as ‘Handsome Wednesday’ was bar tending and had promised he’d pour, and I quote, “free and heavy”. We made it just in time for the last half hour of his shift. The young pup was clearly inebriated and kept handing us drink after drink free of charge. The total cost of getting us sloshed? a fatty tip.

I’d been texting with ‘Nickle’ about potentially meeting him because his best friend was also in town. Coincidentally, he was right up the street at Phoenix. ‘Fixie’ and his friend chaperoned me to the bar and dropped me off to a somewhat sloshed ‘Nickle’ and a profusely plastered best friend. They invited me to a bar in the Meatpacking for more free drinks. What kind of girl turns that down? I obviously tagged along.

We arrived at the Brass Monkey with ‘Nickle’ and his friends for more unnecessary cocktails. ‘Occhio’ texted me to come meet us and he did. We stayed there for about an hour and then we decided to try and go to the Standard to check out the Fashion’s Night Out festivities, since it was right behind Brass Monkey. It was a bore. We left and went home. ‘Nickle’ spent the night.

Friday morning I had a deja vu moment when I woke up, jerked off with ‘Nickle’, and then had brunch at a local Polish dinner. I made it to work on time, and ‘Nickle’, who had previous plans of going to Montauk for a wedding, made it to his train the same. I was so busy thinking about my night that work flew by. I had plans with ‘Fixie’ to have a debaucherous toga party at McCarran park that night, ‘Jose Maria’ was flying home after being away for about 6 weeks and I was to meet him for his friend’s birthday party at some point, and I was wanting a day to myself to sleep with my dog which I knew wasn’t going to happen, not to mention the fact that, surprisingly, DJ stopped by (weird). Regretfully, the toga party did not happen because ‘Fixie’s’ visitors, all from North Carolina, were not up for it. Go figure. Instead, he invited me to his place to have some drinks. I agreed to stop by for a bit after work, but as soon as I got home I passed out. I guess I really needed that cuddle time with ‘Toto’.

After a couple hours I woke up and called ‘Fixie’ to see if I should still come. I took the L train to Bushwick, walked for 15 minutes through very scary Boricua infested streets and finally got to his place. I’d never been. Despite being severely eaten by the mosquitos in his backyard I had fun. I still love this man, but in a different, stronger way now. His friends were nice. It is always a culture shock to hang out with out of towners, because New York IS a completely separate country in itself. We act/think/drink/fuck/party/sleep/speak/etc differently from the rest of the world.

I finalized my plans with ‘Jose Maria’ and left to meet him. I took a cab to B Bar where we were to Rendez Vous but had no luck getting in so we walked to Boiler Room. We ran into ‘Salgadinho’, one of ‘Jose Maria’s’ suitors, and awkwardly said hi. Again, we didn’t stay for long. I don’t really like this bar so we left and went to “church” which I avoid on the weekends because the crowd is much different. I was surprised at how religious I’ve been lately.

At “church” I quickly spotted a guy that tingled my willy. He looked back and we made eye contact. ‘Jose Maria’s’ birthday buddy came by with the birthday posse. I went outside to have a cigarette and ran into ‘Handsome Wednesday’. I went back in and decided to say hi to the guy I’d eyed. I mentioned he was very cute, he said the same thing in return. I ordered another drink and ‘Jose Maria’ went outside with his friends. A few minutes later they came back but he didn’t. I had a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that ‘Jose Maria’ was talking to the boy I planned on potentially pursuing. As soon as the thought went away, he walked in with him. I was a bit shocked and a bit annoyed, so I said: “Should I have to worry that I have competition now?”. He said: “No, we don’t l like the same guys”. I let it go and focused on my ongoing texts with DJ. He was at a boat party that was about to end so I told him to let me know when it did. He texted me he was home. I decided to go for seconds and left ‘Jose Maria’ to his new boy.

I told DJ about the night, he asked me who the boy in question was, but I had no idea. I’m sure they’ve fucked or something. DJ had plans to go to Fire Island early in the morning so we just slept.

The next morning we got ready, he packed, and I went downstairs to smoke and greet his best friend who giggled at the fact of me opening the door. I left them to go on their trip and I went on mine back to Brooklyn on a cab since the trains weren’t running. Thankfully, both ‘Nickle’ and DJ were away for the weekend. I was ready for a break from the boys.

“This will never end cause I want more… more, give me more, give me more…”