travel | the.applied.process.

07.06.2011

The head of the south reigns supreme.

By now, it is certainly obvious that both my trip and my new take on this have proven to be quite fruitful to this blog. I’ve been inspired to write more and more, and I try to add an entry almost every other day.

Today, I’m doing a bit of retrospective thinking. Today, I’m talking about my last, long-lasting crush.

It all started a month after my last breakup. A few days after I last saw my ex, I was feeling irreparably crushed on my drive back from my parents, when I got a phone notification that someone was trying to add me on Facebook. He sent a message saying: “it is ridiculous how good looking you are. Just saying”. My initial response was: it’s not like I don’t hear this quite often, whatever.

As soon as I got to my friend’s apartment in San Diego, where I was to stay for the next couple nights, I looked at his profile on facebook and replied: “well if it isn’t the pot calling the kettle black” and accepted his request. And so it began, my 14 month old crush that still lingers…

At first we conversed frequently. AIM, Facebook, E-Mail (no texts because my phone seemed to hate his phone and for some bizarre reason wouldn’t receive his texts… should’ve listened to my phone, huh?). We exchanged music, sent pictures, talked for ages. From the get go, I could tell he wasn’t much of a talker. It was like pulling teeth to try and get a word out. I, on the other hand, can never shut up.

After a month of talking, I was to go to San Francisco with a friend for Bay 2 Breakers, race all through SF that really is just another reason to party and drink in public. I asked if he wanted to meet. He said he’d be busy but he’d try. The trip came, but he didn’t. No biggie. I tried to understand that, although I was making an effort to go visit, he might indeed be swamped with previous engagements, and really couldn’t find time even for coffee.

Two weeks later, I returned with another friend to the bay area. Again, nothing. He claimed he was busy. Seemed somewhat shady to me, but whatever.

Shortly after, I left for my 2.5 month stay in Europe. Throughout this whole thing, we kept in contact, not as much, but still enough to keep me lingering. I saw him flirt with others, something that bugged me a bit, as it would any other human being, but of course, I was doing the same, and I can’t claim ownership over someone I haven’t even met.

When I came back, I got convinced on going to visit (again!), and so I drove north with my dog. He seemed more attentive this time. To make the long story shorter, we met and spent 3 really nice days together. Dinner. Drinks. Grocery shopping. Trips to the vet. Pedicures. Boring, married couple shit. I loved every second of it. We only made out a couple of times. No sex.

I have to state that ever since we started talking my mind was set on moving to New York and he was aware of this. He stated he was moving back to LA (where he is from), and so the possibility of something more serious was almost nonsensical, but I really liked him and, as always, was open to suggestions.

So I moved, and we kept in touch, less and less every time. I teeter tottered between forgetting about him, and fighting my own natural instinct to give up very easily. I felt under appreciated through it all. I sent postcards, presents, cute pictures, witty texts, birthday wishes, merry xmas’, and got minimal reciprocation. It seemed as if he could read my mind and the moment I decided to give up, he’d start being sweet again. The funny thing is, thanks to Facebook and the ever so small gay world, I realized I wasn’t the only one he was doing this to, yet somehow, I felt special.

Fast forward to April this year, I went to visit him again. He invited me to stay at his place for a few days. The week prior to my arrival, he was playing his mind games again, and not really talking to me. I decided that if he didn’t contact me at least the day before, I was gonna go to SF, call my friend, and ignore him for good. Again, Mr. Psychic here messaged me two days before my flight. Hooked one more time.

I landed at SFO and called him straight away. He told me to come over. I did. We hugged. Hung out. Passed out. The next morning, we cuddled for a bit, fooled around, took a shower, went for food. There was a weird chemistry. I have a feeling we’re both shy and expecting the other to make the moves, and so it never really just ‘flows’.

After breakfast, a friend of his met us at his place. It was Easter Sunday and we were gonna go out and get drunk all day. She was a nice girl, she mentioned she’d heard a lot about me (good sign, right?). We had some mimosas and went over to his neighbor’s. Again, nice guy, said the same thing she said. We ate some weed chocolate, drank some more and headed to the bars. I met more friends of his, same thing happened. Once more, being his lovely self, he wasn’t paying much attention to me. Luckily, I’m a big boy and I had fun regardless. At the end of the night. We went back to his neighbor’s. By this point I was somewhat annoyed by him and decided to go to bed.

I woke up next to him, we cuddled a bit more, got up and showered (no fooling around). I made us breakfast, we cleaned his apartment, I hung some art up, we went to west elm. Then I went to visit a friend of mine. When I got back, he’d been smoking weed, I’d been drinking whiskey. We watched a movie and went to sleep. The next morning, we cuddle one last time, took showers, kissed goodbye, and he went to work. I stayed at his place till I had to head to the airport. I tidied up, wrote him a cute note and left.

To this day there’s been no mention of such note. We’ve still talked, but barely anything. I sent him a message a few days ago telling him I’d be in SF by the end of this month asking if he wants to hang out. Despite the fact he’s been on Facebook, no response. I don’t think I’ll get one, and I won’t even bother asking. He is noncomfrontational. I think this might be the end. I don’t want to delete him, I’d look like a psycho, but I’m definitely going to try and forget him… And just like clockwork, he’ll respond saying he does want to see me, and I might be stupid enough to agree.

My thoughts: in the words of rilo kiley – “and the talkin’ leads to touchin’, then touchin’ leads to sex, and then there is no mystery left.” after fooling around my charm dissipated. I also think timing was crucial. He was sort of my emotional rebound. Today, I might not be as easily ready to believe in someone with so many warning signs, but back then I was hurting. Why do I like him? Fuck if I know, he’s certainly not the nicest, or the brightest, but I do find him very attractive. Sorry brain, the head of the south reigns supreme.

Leave a comment

06.06.2011

Grind Date No. 1: Road Head.

In my never ending quest for equal opportunity and the unique, I started my new project. Dating shenanigans indeed.

I arrived to London last Friday evening, and as soon as I got wifi I logged into every gay man’s best friend: grindr. Soon enough, after sifting through all the headless torsos, I saw a picture of a guy who looked very British and very… east London I suppose. He had a catchy headline. I sent him a message and moved on. Later that evening he bit the bait. We started chatting. At this point, I didn’t have an agenda. I wasn’t aware that I would embark of this mission, so I just elusively talked expecting nothing.

*a bit of a side note here… for all of you who have no idea what grindr is, I should explain. It is an app that shows you all the gay men around your area (granted they’re logged on as well), with distance, a picture, some stats, and a short tagline. It is mostly used for sex, but I’ve met a few friends through it.*

After a day of conversation, he told me he was in a wheel chair, and asked if that was a problem. Are you kidding me? It’s a bit odd, but it’s also writer’s jackpot, and like I said, I like to be very equal opportunity. Especially since I don’t think I’ll marry most of these guys. A few more messages and we decided to meet. I was to come to his flat on Sunday evening, we would have some wine and food (except I said I was vegetarian so the food got nixed out of the equation), and see where things went. Again, elusive little me was not thinking about sex or anything of the sort, maybe just a snog.

Yesterday evening, I arrived at my rendez vous, a 15 minute walk east of Geordi-Mo’s. First impression? Very British. Very East London. He had a beautiful black little pug named Vivian (or Viv for short) who I started playing with right away. Anyone who knows me knows that dogs come first, second, and last in my life, and will promptly hypnotise me into ignoring the world and scratching their belly.

The conversation went smooth. He got a bit touchy feely and I giggled my way out of his grasp. His p.a. (personal assistant) came out, cooked some food, and opened up a pack of smokes. I asked her for one, and ‘road head’ insisted I smoked by the window instead of going downstair with her. I obliged.

After a few more sips of my wine, I felt somewhat comfortable with this man. We kissed. He tasted a bit odd, but nothing unfamiliar. I have this theory that meat eaters have a certain ‘taste’. He suggested I smoke by the window as he smoked me. I was slightly hesitant, but again, I obliged. It was definitely a first, to have my dick sucked as I was smoking on a balcony, in plain view of the outside world. Kind of a turn on.

We went back inside and he said he wanted me to fuck him, but stated he usually doesn’t do that (normally I call this bullshit but, for some reason, my intuitive persona didn’t feel he was lying). He suggested we get in his bed and see how things go. I offered a hand, he said he wasn’t comfortable, so he asked his p.a. to help him get into bed and then she summoned me into his room. We got in the bed. Kissed. He asked me to rim him. I obliged. He was a bit reluctant to me touching him in certain areas which I assume is understandable for someone with disabilities. He rimmed me (we agreed this is probably the best part of gay sex), and asked if I could cum in his mouth. Again, I was somewhat reluctant, as I have a somewhat strict ‘no swallowing’ policy, even if I’m not the one doing the swallowing, but I felt ok doing so. I came. He swallowed. We kissed a bit more, passed out for a second, woke up, and I took off. He had a dinner with a girl, I had to get back not too late as I am staying with friends who work the next morning.

As soon as I left I received a text. He cursed his dinner and said he enjoyed the company. I got home and found a similar message on grindr. I told my story to my hosts, and went to bed. I woke up a few hours later and started writing this entry. I feel a bit odd, but to be honest, maybe it’s just a case of PCT (post coitum tristesse) and if anything, this little endeavour I’ve taken will assist with managing that. Today I’m off to Birmingham.

Leave a comment

05.06.2011

Where are my ruby slippers?

The thing about human beings is that, unlike most animals, we have an uncanny ability to adapt to our environment. Beasts, on the other hand, have this defense mechanism that psychologically shuts them down when they feel pain and ‘numbs’ them to cope with whatever is outside their control.

In this regard, I’ve often related to our less intelligent fellow life forms. While I am very adaptable, and it is known that us Pisces are amongst the, if not THE, most adaptable zodiac sign, I’ve also read that we are the most intuitive and pick up on all the energy and mood around us to the point where it can be overwhelming. Hence, the shutdown.

Last night, after some predrinking at my mate’s flat, I was out and about in Vauxhall. It was four of us. One of us, ‘no-boro’, I had just met. Nice guy. Somewhat into me.

Upon arriving at the club (the eagle), we ran into three friends of them. A short, spunky, somewhat attractive half spaniard; a sexy, tattooed, somewhat dirty looking ‘my type’; and a plain, blue-shirt wearing, somewhat forgettable whatshisface. We processed to grab drinks, smoke, and dance when I was made aware ‘no-boro’ was into me. He was a handsome man, however, and not that this changes much of my usual modus operandi, I was also made aware of some info that enhanced my usual m.o. I wasn’t an asshole, I just had a slight freak out, and started to watch my drinking. I wanted to be clear headed enough to act along my m.o. and not against it. Then I was told that ‘my type’, ‘no-socks brit’, was also inquiring about me. Again, not that I strayed from my usual m.o. but I suddenly felt twice as concerned with keeping a quasi-sober mind. And the thing here is that recently, I’d say in the past 3-4 months, I’ve seriously reconsidered what it means to get drunk, go out, and wake up next to a random stranger. I was never very into it, much to the shock of my fellow dick craving homosexuals, but especially in the past few months, after a stupid incident with a bit too much drinking, a stranger, and a ripped condom (I’m completely fine and healthy btw), I’ve just gotten significantly more paranoid/careful, and am not willing to risk another incident like that, because even if it feels ‘right’ and is completely safe, I can’t necessarily deal with the anxiety my own self creates post-coitum.

So I monitored my alcohol intake, something I should be doing regardless, and focused on controlling my anxiety. Tricky thing here is that usually I drink to control it but also drinking makes it worse. Tried to relax and just have fun, which I eventually managed to do, and enjoyed the rest of my night. I talked to ‘no-boro’ about his dogs, two beautiful schnauzers. Again, lovely guy. I had a couple more drinks, and we headed home, me and my two hosts.

On the way home I was asked why I wouldn’t go for either. Like I said, to be honest, despite anything good or bad about them, it’s just not my m.o. I don’t just ‘go home’ with whoever shows me some ‘love’, even if I might be attracted or interested in them. Is that too bizarre to comprehend? The combination of alcohol, anxiety, and my own damn crazy head started to shut me down. I wanted my ruby slippers to tap them three times and wake up back at the corner of Driggs and North 7th next to ‘Toto’ (my dog). Don’t get me wrong, I’m having fun, my friends are pleasant, but us Pisces sometimes just need to retract to our safe haven. We need some time alone. We need to escape the world, and when that can’t be done physically, we create our own little panic room in our head and go there. Sorry if I seem rude, I’m just refueling and trying to keep my sanity. Cheers.

Leave a comment

04.06.2011

it’s a small gay world.

So after a somewhat pleasant flight (other than the landing/takeoff/landing again incident) I’ve arrived to London. I promptly got off the plane and after a scrutinous moment with customs I was legally allowed to enter the Queen’s land (note to self: the beard is coming off soon). I rushed to the exit to smoke a fag, bought a sim card, paid for an hour of internet, contacted my friends, and boarded the train towards Holborn.

As soon as I stepped out of the station I felt the same homey familiar feeling I’m used to feeling whenever I come here. It truly does feel like home, which reiterates my desire to one day live here… possibly as soon as I need a break from New York.

I met my friend Geordie-Mo and walked a few blocks back to his place. His boyfriend (Gina-Ho) greeted me nicely with some food and a nice tub ready for me to bathe in. It felt nice. My social media addiction had me logged in to facebook, grindr, and the like… it’s always good to make new friends. We later headed out to a few pubs for a couple of beers before going out that night. All familiar places my uncanny pigeon-like sense of direction recognised. What I like about London is the ambiance of people just having a drink out in public, something you never see in the US of A.

We walked back to Geordie’s flat to meet up with his beau and his friend, downed a few drinks, smoked a few more ciggys, and headed out to a night called ‘Popstarz’. To be honest, nights like this are not usually my cup of tea. I do enjoy my Britney and my Beyonce, but the selection of meat was too tender for my taste. Regardless, I had fun. I am quite versatile (not in bed), and as long as I have a drink and a friend, I can have a great time anywhere. We ended the night at around 2:30 and returned to their abode. Gina-Ho made us some food, and we chit chatted about boys. About how every single gay man in this world seems to know each other, and how you can play ‘six degrees of separation’ with your friends from across the Atlantic, and still find a connection (sometimes in even less than 6 steps). Also, I was asked about my dating life. I’m starting to become increasingly annoyed at the fact that everyone keeps asking me if there are any boys in my life. Yes. I know. This is a very common question, but what bothers me is not the question itself… I have no qualms answering it. It’s more the fact that society feels the need to keep reminding you that having a partner, or even just some sort of lay, is the norm! What’s wrong with being single and enjoying it? I do like my singleness! I’m not in denial, and it’s not like I can’t get some if I wanted to… which brings me to my last point: the 50 blind dates.

A few months ago, I intended to start the 50 blind date project. You can read my previous entry about it, but to summarise, I planned on going on 50 blind dates and writing about them. The biggest problem I encountered is getting such dates. I thought I had the logistics down, but I obviously can’t set myself up on blind dates. It wouldn’t be technically blind because I would at least have seen a picture of the guy. My friends have mostly failed to help me on my quest. So far I’ve had one date, and while I have a couple more lined up, it’s going very slow, and I don’t think it’s looking very promising. Therefore, I’ve decided to embark on another project: the 50 grind dates. Taking advantage of today’s technology and trends, I’m planning on going on 50 dates with guys off grindr. I’m still figuring out what exactly the terms of these dates, since grindr is mostly used for sex, and I’m not about to go and fuck 50 guys… but I figure it might be interesting. So far, I believe I have one tomorrow. We’ll see how it goes, and if all flows nicely, I might actually go through with this. Let’s call tomorrow evening ‘the pilot’ to my new show. Stay tuned.

Leave a comment

01.06.2011

50 is the new ‘veinte’!

Last Sunday, I arrived to San Diego in one piece (despite terrible turbulence). My mom picked me up a few minutes late, and we then crossed the border into my home country. Oh how I don’t miss it… but I came for one purpose, and one purpose only: my dad’s 50th birthday. It is a bit strange to think that he’s only turning 50, because that means that he had me when he was 23, which is terrifying in itself because, at my 26 years of age, I can’t for a single second imagine myself with child.

I often get friends from home on facebook demanding I come visit, complaining that they don’t see me often, and badgering me about stuff that, to be honest, I care very little about. I don’t mean to sound like an asshole, but for example, I cross half the planet (isn’t that how America sees itself) to come home, and the moment I get here it’s like pulling teeth to see them. They’re often unavailable, and somehow they manage to blame our unsuccessful encounters on me. I am sorry, I don’t have a cellphone that works here. I have facebook, and I post on it that I’m home and you know where I live and you have two feet or a car or a donkey or whatever and you can displace yourself to where I might be! (yes, that was purposely a run on sentence with no proper punctuation)

So yes, I was here and after a few complaints from friends, I did see one of my friends on the first night. It was nice catching up. Then the next day, after again, trying to gather up everyone (I swear, herding a few dozen blind sheep is probably easier), we all went to Puerto Nuevo to eat some lobster! It was delicious. Later that night, we ended up at my friend’s house again. Not much to write about. It isn’t that interesting. It’s not the purpose of my trip.

I came home and went to bed relatively early and relatively sober for the second night in a row. It felt strange, but I was pretty tired still from all the traveling and my last few crazy NY party nights.

The next morning it was my dad’s birthday! I woke up, got dressed, went to the dentist (right next door to my dad’s clinic), and gave my dad his present. I got him a Baume et Mercier watch with a black dial and a black alligator strap. Extra slim. He loved it. I left. Came back home. Took a 30 minute party nap (I swear I believe my ex when he used to say that coming here always gives him a Mexicoma and all he wants to do is sleep), and headed out with my mom to meet my dad for a late lunch/early dinner (according to American mode de vie), or just a lunch (if you’re on Mexico time). The restaurant, which I used to love, was subpar. Not sure if my standards have raised, or if the restaurant’s have lowered, but I was dissatisfied. Food was pretty good. Service was shit. My dad said that, in fact, it was the restaurant’s quality that went down. Read the rest of this entry »

Leave a comment

29.05.2011

off i go.

it is exactly 5:30 a.m. and I am desperately trying to stay up. I have to leave for JFK in an hour to catch a flight to San Diego to start my month long “vacation”. Why the quotations? this time it doesn’t feel like it. I am mildly excited about the trip, however, lately I’ve been telling people who ask me about my upcoming trip how when I used to live in LA I was always glad to get out, but now that I’m in New York I almost feel like I’m missing out by leaving for a whole month. Foolish? perhaps. I really do like this city.

Today I went to work. Nothing crazy, my boss, The Cock of the North, was out all day in “meetings” or as I like to call them: watching a football match. And to be honest, he should! He works too damn hard, which is part of the reason why I love working for this man. He is one of the most devoted employers I’ve ever met. He is not afraid to get his hands dirty and sweep the floor of the gallery if need be, and that is commendable.

After work, I planned on going straight home and start packing for my trip. However, he texted asking if I’d meet him for a drink. I almost feel obligated to do so, not that it’s a pain, but he’s just such a nice guy and fun to be around that I don’t mind it. And so I did. I met him for a drink, and then went home to pack. It was a bit hectic, but that’s what I love. I’ve often said that if I have 10 things to do, I’ll do 15. If I have 1 thing to do, I will do absolutely nothing. So I packed and then met friends for dinner. I chose a Catalan place I had never been to. I’ve been craving tapas for quite a while and I was somewhat disappointed by the place I chose. Whatever… the company was great. Apres… I went to visit my friend who just recently broke his foot. We had a “bed party”. Drank a few beers and then headed back to my place. A quick stop before our final destination.

We ended up at sugarland, a warehouse in the middle of Billyburg where gay boys gather every Saturday to dance their derriers off to the latest top 40. It was fun. I drank at a steady pace making sure I wasn’t too drunk to forget say… my passport while I finished packing… but enough to keep me going. I came home at 4 a.m. Continued packing. I think I’m good. I hope I’m good. It is the first time I pack this light. Slightly nervous, yet at the same time I think I’ve learned my lesson… I often overpack and don’t even wear half the shit I bring with me… not to mention, I end up shipping myself stuff home because I end up buying stuff I have no room for, and I’m still too paranoid to check my bag when I fly.

I am about to finish the remains of a bottle of Montepulciano that’s been sitting on my kitchen counter since Wednesday. I am smoking a cigarette. Once both are done I will take a shower, get dressed, call a car, and head off. I am somewhat looking forward to spending a few days in Mexico at my mom’s doing ABSOLUTELY nothing. I love New York but it can be quite exhausting. Even when you don’t want to do a single thing other than staying at home with your dog and watching TV, somehow you end up having another long night.

Anyway… I must part. New York – San Diego – Tijuana – Los Angeles – London – Birmingham – London – Antwerp – Amsterdam – Paris – Stockholm – London – San Francisco – Los Angeles – Tijuana – San Diego – New York await.

Leave a comment

10.04.2011

vraiment VERMONT!

Part of what I enjoy about my job is the random things I have to do sometimes. Case in point, my visit to Vermont. When my boss emailed asking who would want to do it, I was a bit hesitant. As I said, I had been ill for a week and really needed to rest and take care of myself, not to mention the fact that I was going to the LCD sound system show the night before and I was sure I wasn’t going to get much sleep before the 4 hour drive up the I-87 N… but then again, I enjoy getting shit done (and I was quite certain no one else would), and I figured that other than this, why else would I go to Vermont?! Surely not to take advantage of gay marriage.

So I woke my ass up, managed to put some pants on, leashed my dog, and stumbled my way to the local coffee/smoothie shop for a hang over friendly liquid concoction and a bagel. Then I met up with my road trip buddy (btw I’m avoiding names in all of my posts on purpose) who was waiting outside my building, and we cabbed it to the U-Haul place by the navy yard.

I have to admit, my stomach was killing me. I wanted to puke. The smoothie wanted to creep out of me any way possible (and it did at the U-Haul center bathroom… guilty). We hopped on the van and started our way. Me and my road trip buddy, who we shall call Titi, didn’t really know each other, but I’m quite confident in my easy goingness so after a few minutes we were chit chatting about this, and about that, freaking out about the road (we weren’t legally allowed to be on anything labeled “parkway”), singing along to bad music (mostly 90’s bad exercise tunes), and just having a jolly good time (like road trips should be!).

We made a couple of pit stops delighting ourselves in pure, uninhibited Americana. I ate some chain fast food fried grossness (not the best for my ailing intestines), drank about enough redbull to kill a small ferret, and chewed on enough pepto bismol tablets to permanently lacquer my duodenum in pink. The road was beautiful. Quite different from California (where I’ve partaken in plenty a road trips). Read the rest of this entry »

Leave a comment

Tag: travel