Work | the.applied.process.

Not Drunk Enough

“So I’m gonna get myself another drink whenever I start to think about you ’cause I do what I really don’t want to.”

Tuesday morning I didn’t really give much thought to my post ‘SF boy’ feelings that I might have lingering in my head, I was too excited about ‘Dandayamana Janushirasana’ coming to the city for the night to care about anything else. I did, however, text him about potentially going to Le Bain that night because I thought he would enjoy it. Guess what?! He never got back to me. I carried on with my day doing a bunch of nothing for the most part, I was feeling restless, anxious, and annoyed. I somewhat needed to go to work earlyish but I didn’t end up leaving my place till the evening for some event we had scheduled.

As soon as I arrived to work, I partook in the free vodka drinks that were being offered by the event organizer. I didn’t really do much other than waste time online and make plans for dinner with ‘Jose Maria’ for a besties dinner since we haven’t spent much time together. I’d also been talking to ‘Dandayamana Janushirasana’ who was going to her own work dinner, and then meeting up for drinks. I texted ‘Nickle’ about his plans for the night because I wanted him to meet her, and he agreed to meet us after he got off work. Apparently, he had a big project to turn in the next morning and he’d have to be there for a while. I finally coerced ‘Jose Maria’ to trying a Japanese restaurant we’d never been to, Robataya, in the East Village and I left work to walk over.

Dinner was delicious. So delicious that we managed to rack up a very hefty check, drink 4 bottles of sake, and eat enough fish, sea food, veggies, and meat to almost have the staff cut us off (or at least give us a strange look). We finished before I had heard from ‘Nickle’ or ‘Dandayamana Janushirasana”, so we stood outside the place smoking cigarettes and waiting. After 5 minutes she called me half drunk to see where she should meet us. I told her to stay in place and we’d come to her. Girl isn’t the best when she’s intoxicated. ‘Nickle’ mentioned he was about to get out and was about to walk over to wherever we were going. I told him to meet us a Bowery Hotel for a drink and we’d go from there.

We picked up ‘Dandayamana Janushirana’ and walked over to Bowery and 3rd. We ordered a drink, kissed, hugged, gossiped, and waited for my suitor to arrive. As soon as he did, I introduced them, got him a drink, and then my two friends went outside to smoke “a cigarette”, which I took as code for “let’s talk about this man without them around”. I’m sure it wasn’t in a bad way, I’m still interested in knowing what they said, and I’m glad they did so to each other because I like things to be as unbiased as possible. They came back and we left to go to 10 Degrees. We had a few more rounds, ‘Dandayamana Janushirasana’ should’ve probably stopped, ‘Nickle’ should’ve probably drank more to catch up. Me and ‘Jose Maria’ were fine.

The bar hopping continued across the street at a place that’s name I always forget. We had some pickleback shots, and a couple more drinks, and we proceeded to “church” where me and ‘Dandayamana Janushirasana’ gave a stellar drunken pole dancing performance to an almost empty bar before she almost passed out on the bench which was our cue to leave. We put her in a cab, one of the pious patrons invited ‘Jose Maria’ to karaoke which he accepted, and me and ‘Nickle’ headed to bed. Apparently, I was significantly more inebriated that I am willing to admit because I passed out on the cab, and then passed out again somewhere in my living room, so ‘Nickle’ carried me to bed. What a gent.

Wednesday morning I made it a point to get to work early. I failed. I interviewed a very creepy intern mid day who seemed very smart but a little off. The cherry on top came when she left, walked up the stairs, and I noticed her legs were covered in scratches and bruises. I gossiped with ‘The Cock of the North’ about her for a second, and then ran some personal and work errands. I ended up making plans with ‘Nickle’ and our friend ‘Viquers’ to meet later that night for a drink at Metro.

I got home at around 7:30, quickly walked ‘Toto’, freshened up and headed to the bar. The whole day ‘Latin T’ was texting me to see if I wanted to hang out, I mentioned my plans and he said he’d come meet me. Boy was I not ready for what was about to happen. Apparently, ‘Fixie’ and him went on a very brief Grindr date a few months ago where ‘Latin T’ managed to get himself kicked out of the bar 20 minutes into it. When he arrived, he was a bit drunk (as usual), and I sensed something slightly off about the night. I introduced them all and ‘Latin T’ was a bit apprehensive. I tried to buffer the situation but wasn’t very successful. I hadn’t eaten so I made plans with my two friends to get some noodles, ‘Latin T’ didn’t want to join. Instead, he went home and said he’d meet later to come with me back to the city to meet ‘Jose Maria’ who was having drinks with ‘Tiny Narcissus’ who had just gotten back from Greece.

I apologized to my friends for ‘Latin T’s’ behavior, but I should’ve apologized even further. As soon as he met us again, he made some very rude comments to ‘Fixie’ saying every time he saw him he was making out with someone different. I was shocked by his boldness so I asked what his point was and mentioned I too have kissed half of Williamsburg. He acted defensive. ‘Fixie’ handled the situation magnificently, as he normally does. ‘Latin T’ was being pushy about leaving and continued being rude to my friends. I was about to leave him, when he hailed a cab and we left for the city.

We arrived at 10 Degrees where ‘Jose Maria’ and co. were and waited for ‘Latin T’s’ friend to come meet. Surprisingly enough, he wasn’t being an asshole to my other friends. I mentioned to ‘Tiny Narcissus’ that I might be going to Greece with ‘Fixie’ in February. ‘Latin T’ asked me if we were dating. I was getting more and more annoyed. I just said it was non of his business, but no, he’s just a really good friend. ‘Latin T’s’ friend showed up which diverted his attention from me and my friends. For some reason I don’t quite understand well, ‘Latin T’ started crying within 5 minutes of her being there. Apparently she was at a work party where a guy he randomly hooks up with was. I pried a bit more and found out that said guy cheats on his boyfriend with ‘Latin T’. The situation just kept getting messier and trickier by the minute. I was severely confused. I have no idea why he’d have such an issue with ‘Fixie’ and his making out habits or mine, when he’s obviously not the most saintly gay man in New York.

I decided to switch into damage control mode and suggested we go to “church” so I could take him away from my other friends and maybe leave him there. He agreed. As we were walking over I could tell he was more drunk than I’ve ever seen him before, which worried me because I didn’t really want to be associated with him at the bar for fear he’d start something and I’d become guilty by association. As soon as we got to “church” I casually left him to his friend and chatted with the regulars. Two drinks later they wanted food and left me.

I was ready to go home and maybe see ‘Nickle’. I texted ‘Jose Maria’ to come meet me and I started walking his way when I ran into ‘Latin T’ and his friend again. They asked me to have a drink with them at this restaurant they were eating. I obliged and texted ‘Jose Maria’ to meet me there so we could go. Ten minutes later he came and I took a cab as far away from him as I could. He drunkenly texted me asking, and I quote, “where the f r u”. I didn’t reply. I pride myself in being nice and giving people second, third, and fourth chances, but with this one I’m done. He has severe issues and I don’t even think Mother Theresa has the heart to deal with this level of charity of work.

We met a very drunken ‘Nickle’ at The Abbey. Again, not surprised. We didn’t stay long, after we left ‘Jose Maria’ was going to spend the night so we walked back to my place. I started getting an incredibly strong anxiety attack to the point where ‘Jose Maria’ couldn’t calm me down. I wanted to text ‘Nickle’ and tell him I couldn’t deal with him. ‘Jose Maria’ wouldn’t let me. Regardless, I did text him saying I needed to talk to him. Within ten minutes he came over. I calmed down a bit and, instead of talking, he ate my ass, I jacked off, and don’t remember passing out or cumming. Next thing I know he was on the floor sleeping with his head on my boot, and I was on the couch. I pulled out the futon and dragged him to it. He woke up somewhat early and went to work. I woke up a bit later and realized I had dry semen all over my chest and abdomen. Apparently, I did cum. ‘SF boy’ texted me to meet him for lunch before he headed back home but I couldn’t. I took a shower and hurried to work because I really needed to get there soon. I had to interview an intern at noon.

I was a minute late and the intern was waiting. I didn’t have time to catch my breath but the interview went well. She’s a lovely black girl from Brooklyn with no experience in the field, but who seemed sassy and smart enough for us to mold her into a great addition. We hired her on the spot. The day was slow.

I had texted ‘Nickle’ a few times during the day and we had made plans to meet for a long overdue sober dinner where neither of us would drink. He came by my place at 9 pm. Sadly, I tasted whiskey and beer upon our first kiss. He confessed he had a couple drinks prior to coming. I was a bit disappointed and it kind of raised a flag because I’m starting to think that, much like myself, the man might have a slight problem, and as hypocritical as that sounds, I might not want that right now. Still… it is not the right time nor is it my place to bring it up… yet. He took me to Tabare, a restaurant on Driggs and South 1st. He’d never been but I had. Our unsuccessful sober date continued with a bottle of malbec. I decided to give up and just give in to my soothing, anti-anxiety, self prescribed medicine. I mentioned to ‘Nickle’ that it is in fact, not him, but I who has the issues. I can’t control my anxiety too well and all I asked for was that if he wanted to continue getting to know me, we take it slow and be completely honest with each other, and not to freak out when I do. It sat well with him. The man is winning me over little by little.

Half way through dinner ‘Fixie’ texted me to come meet him and his friend at The Abbey for a drink. Again, sober date = total fail. We finished our food and headed over for “just one drink”. Unrealistically, it was not “just one drink” but we did manage to stop after 2 or 3. The Abbey was the usual good times. Lots of familiar faces and cheap booze. We left at around 1 in the morning and walked home to go to bed. This morning, he woke me up with his lips around my lower head, and we jacked off together. He left at around 8:20 and I went back to sleep for a couple of hours. I woke up and took a couple of the homeopathic anxiety pills he had given me the night before. I think they worked. But if they don’t, I always have my whiskey and wine.

“And when I get there, to a place where I see you in a kitchen, I stop wishing but that thing and I don’t need you. I don’t really wanna see you and I don’t want you to see me. You would think that I was crazy,
you might think that I wanna be close to you but I’d rather wanna drink some Whisky and maybe have a little sip ‘o wine ’cause right now it`s the only thing that makes me forget you are mine.”

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18.09.2011

Hang With Me

“And if you do me right, I’m gonna do right by you. And if you keep it tight, I’m gonna confide in you. I know what’s on your mind there will be time for that too if you hang with me hang with me.”

I woke up Monday morning next to a very naked ‘Nickle’. ‘Fixie’ was sleeping in the living room but he left around 11 am to go to work. We ventured from the bedroom to the living room in our birthday suits and hung out smoking cigarettes and figuring out the plans for the day. I needed to stay at home and clean/write/hang out with ‘Toto’ but I also wanted to go to the movies. ‘Nickle’ had plans of meeting his best friend for one last meal before he left, but wanted to hang out with me too so we decided to go see Contagion first, and then meet up with his friend for brunch. The movie was good but almost too real. It felt more like watching CNN than an actual feature film which I suppose is nice, but not for 2 hours.

We left the theatre and headed to the west village where we picked up his friend and a slice of greasy pizza. Then we walked to Washington Square where we sat on the lawn and enjoyed the spectacle that were the south east corner natives: plenty of bums, one who got arrested for barking at people, another one who decided to jump in the fountain in his boxers, and one who delighted the park with tunes coming out of a radio recorded tape and a boom box. I was mildly tired so I rested on ‘Nickle’s’ lap for most of the evening. I was texting a friend of mine, ‘Arrogant A’, who was in town with her new beau, and making plans to meet later for dinner and/or drinks. ‘Jose Maria’ stopped by after a few hours because he wanted to meet ‘Nickle’. He kept giving me his snarky grin the whole time. I casually smiled back.

At around 6 pm we decided to go grab some dinner. I wasn’t meeting ‘Arrogant A’ till 9 pm so we stayed in the West/East Village and asked for a table at Ippudo. We left to a bar around the corner to meet some of ‘Nickle’s’ friends as we waited for our table to be ready. A beer later we rushed back to devour some of the most amazing noodles I’ve ever had. Sadly, ‘Nickle’ and ‘Jose Maria’s’ taste buds were not working that night because they didn’t seem to agree with me.

We hurried back to my place to wait for my visiting friends. They were a bit late but not too bad. ‘Arrogant A’s’ new man was stunning, and a really nice guy at first impression. As expected, she kept making infantile comments about how this guy is hotter than her ex, and other similar statements so she could feel validated. We enjoyed a couple glasses of wine at my places before heading out to The Abbey where we dropped off ‘Nickle’ but not before having a drink with him and his friends. Then I took my guests to Hotel Delmano for another round, and last but not least we went to Union Pool. She kept having verbal diarrhea and I was getting tired of finding subtle ways to disagree without making her feel stupid because to be honest, it doesn’t matter. She wouldn’t be able to understand that she sounds so immature bad mouthing others. I suggested to ‘Jose Maria’ we fake tiredness (although it wasn’t that hard as I was actually really tired) and pretend to leave so they would go home and I could go with him to Metro for some alone friends time which hadn’t happened for a while as of that moment. Luckily, they asked to leave because they too were a bit tired. I was glad to oblige. My tour of Billyburg was done for them.

Me and ‘Jose Maria’ did as planed. A drink at Metropolitan followed by another drink at The Abbey and then we went home.

Tuesday I went to a much needed session of Bikram. I got back home, took a nap, and ran some of the many errands I had to run. I am still not caught up after my California trip. I’d made plans with some friends to go to trivia night in the Upper East Side. I invited quite a few people, but in the end it was me, ‘Jose Maria’, ‘Arrogant A’ and her man, and three other friends of friends. The night was going great until we came in fourth place. Being the competitive beasts we all are, we were not satisfied… but like the host of the night said: “it’s only trivia people”. We left the restaurant defeated but with plans for a rematch the following week.

I took ‘Jose Maria’, ‘Arrogant A’, and her boyfriend to the ACE for some pre-Le Bain cocktails. Again, she continued being herself which I don’t understand. I feel like when I met her, 8 years ago, I could somewhat relate as I had just moved out, had just come to terms with my sexuality, and was way more green. Unlike her, I’ve grown a lot as a person and I really don’t think I would be friends with her if I was to meet her today. It seems like she’s stuck in the past and it’s sad because although she’s nothing but nice to me, she isn’t to others, and that’s not something that I look for or appreciate in friends. Regardless, I decided to give her a treat and take her to The Standard where, being who she is, she would feel exalted at the fact that she was going to what she’d consider a very hip, exclusive club, and she would get to bypass the line (via me of course). As soon as we crossed the door she made her customary comment: “Did you see that fat guy begging to get in? how pathetic.”

Needless to say, she loved it. We hung out on the rooftop for an hour enjoying some cocktails in the pleasant windy fall breeze that’s been grazing New York lately. After two drinks and with a bladder full of alcohol, we all went to the bathroom and I left them to go to the Boom Boom Room for a brief minute. Like I’ve said before, I’m getting too old for the crowd at Le Bain, and I certainly don’t mind paying the extra two dollars per drink for some nicer, quieter, more civilized company.

After finishing my drink I left the Boom Boom Room to go meet the others. Not to sound like an asshole, but I will get ‘Arrogant A’ into Le Bain but not into Boom Boom. She should stay with her kind. Briefly after I returned she mentioned she was ready to leave, and so was I, I had plans to meet ‘Nickle’ for a night cap. ‘Jose Maria’ stayed behind to play his games.

We shared a cab back to Brooklyn. I got off somewhat close to my place, handed them 6 dollars and left them on their way. I arrived at The Abbey to a charmingly drunk (as usual) ‘Nickle’. I was feeling a bit honest that night so I decided to come clean about DJ. He took it surprisingly well. I mentioned I wasn’t fucking around but I also wasn’t looking to rush into a relationship which he found commendable of me. He offered to take this whole thing as slowly as I needed it to go which I found commendable of him. All my raw honesty inspired him to come clean as well. His secret? Something I can’t divulge but let’s just say that, although I’m not surprised because I kind of knew, it complicates things. It is a health issue and I am a hypochondriac. No, it’s not HIV.

That night we decided to sleep in our respective beds. According to both of us, it wasn’t because of the truths we had just revealed, but because of logistics. He worked early and I needed to catch up on some sleep. I think a very small part of us was somewhat influenced by the revelations… Not necessarily because they were life changing, but because they sobered us up a bit.

Wednesday: work. The new intern was in for his second day. We spent most of the time setting up for an event we had on Thursday but also trekking around the city doing pick ups and deliveries. I got off earlier at around 6 pm and took one of the most retarded cab rides from the Upper East Side to Chelsea to meet ‘The Lady of Derbishire’ for yet another art opening at Gagosian. This time: Richard Serra.

‘Nickle’ had been wanting to see me which kind of went against the whole idea of taking things slowly. I told him I had plans because, although I do enjoy his company, I wanted to have my usual Wednesday and end up at “church” for one last one on one “confession” with DJ before he left for Greece for two weeks.

Coincidentally, after the opening I went to Momofuku for my friend’s birthday and ‘Nickle’ was at a bar around the corner. I was tempted to invite him but opted not to because that went against my original plan and I like sticking to my guns.

After a disappointing dinner, not because of the company but because of the food, me, ‘Jose Maria’, and birthday girl ‘Sassy G’ went for birthday drinks at 10 Degrees where she’d told the rest of her friends to meet for the celebrations. I wasn’t in the best of moods as I’ve been lately due to all these boys I’m juggling. I tried and mingled but eventually just retracted to a lonely stool by the counter away from the party where I reverted to a comfortable spot: talking to strangers.

I counted the minutes till a time I deemed appropriate to excuse myself and go to “church” and after finishing my last drink there I did as planned. I’d paid my dues.

There was something in the air that night because “church” didn’t feel as holy… maybe I was too drunk. Part of the birthday crew joined shortly. I can’t remember specifics but I’m quite sure the night was similar to every other Wednesday night.

I left with DJ at close time a few minutes after ‘Jose Maria’ had left alone (surprisingly). DJ was in the mood for some sexy time but I was too drunk to perform and managed to pass out before I embarrassed myself.

The next morning I rushed home because I’d promised ‘Nickle’ I’d bike to work so we could bike back together. I texted DJ apologising for my antics to which he replied it was fine and he wouldn’t have had it any other way. Sometimes the man is a sweetheart.

Work was long and stressful. As I mentioned, we had an event that night. Out of all my guests only ‘John G’ and ‘Nickle’ showed up. I left with ‘Nickle’ at around 8:30 pm to go meet a friend and see Peter, Bjorn & John perform at the Music Hall in Williamsburg. Despite the weather we biked back over the devilish bridge and into my neighbourhood. The show was better than I expected but a bit too long. I wanted it to end so I could go celebrate my heritage with a burrito and a margarita and cheer to my country’s independence. Before midnight I got one of the two.

A few minutes after midnight the encore was done and I had ‘Nickle’ following my stubborn ass all over billyburg looking for a damn burrito. After a few unsuccessful attempts we ended up at LA Burrito for a subpar experience but enough to temporarily tame my pregnant cravings. We biked back to my place and ‘Nickle’ spent the night (again!).

I was ready (again!) for a weekend without boys.

“Just don’t fall recklessly, headlessly in love with me ’cause it’s gonna be all heartbreak, wistfully painful and insanity. If we agree, oh, you can hang with me.”

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16.09.2011

Everybody’s Working for the Weekend

“Everybody’s workin’ for the weekend, everybody wants a new romance. Everybody’s goin’ off the deep end, everybody needs a second chance”.

As I stated, I left DJ’s very excited to finally get a weekend sans boys to catch some breath and spend some time with my other neglected friends. As soon as I got home from the East Village, I got ready for work and biked across the exhausting Williamsburg bridge and into SoHo. I spent the day at work writing on the blog and making plans for future travels with ‘The Lady of Derbishire’. That evening, we left work and went to the Alex Katz opening at Gavin Brown. Openings are somewhat funny to me, just like the fashion industry, the art world is filled with interesting characters and it’s always fun to go to these places and people watch. We stayed for about an hour and then ‘The Lady of Derbishire’ left with a friend for dinner, and I went to one of the Greeks’ apartment to wait for ‘Jose Maria’ and go to dinner ensemble.

The Greeks had decided to try Fatty Crab. It was a Saturday night and we knew that everywhere we went would have a massive wait, so I jokingly suggested Chipotle. My fast food Mexican suggestion got vetoed promptly. I suggested that if we did do Fatty Crab, we try the one in the Upper West Side which is usually pretty relaxed and not crazy busy. I called the restaurant to make sure we’d get a table before we took a cab all the way up there. I was told that at the most we’d wait 20 minutes, so off we went to unfamiliar territories. One of the Greeks joked: “The Upper West Side is the new hip Saturday night spot”. I felt slightly more like a local, having bypassed the usual and tiring spots/neighborhoods for something much nicer, less crowded, and very understated.

As promised, we were seated promptly. Me and ‘Jose Maria’, being the two Fatty Crab veterans, ordered all the dishes for our virgin friend. On the menu: steamed veggie and pork buns, charred squid, the malay fish fry, two of the daily specials (one shrimp, one fish), some meat dish (which I didn’t partake in), and a healthy lesson in what it means to be gay (or really, just yourself) in New York. Dinner was delicious, as always, the conversation went smoothly, not because my poor Greek friend took it well, but because he is sort of a ditz and it all went right over his head. It was like feeding pearls to the swine, but even though I’m a pescatarian, I sill like my bacon.

After dinner I suggested we go to Hell’s Kitchen for some atypical gay bar fun. Next time I suggest such thing, please shoot me. We were absolutely miserable. I forgot why we never go above the 20’s. A drink’s time is as much as we could all handle, so we left and decided to go 180 degrees from there and into The Eagle. Again, it was going from one extreme to the other, one that I much prefer, but still find equally taxing. I don’t like these niche gays and their niche bars. This time, we stayed for twice as long: two drinks.

Looking to redeem the evening we cabbed it to “church” for my third night in a row. One of the Greeks left, ‘Jose Maria’ tagged along. He was outside smoking a cigarette when I went in to sneak a peak. It was a bit too much, and I was already quite tired and drunk so I went back outside and told him I was just going home. He asked me to chaperone him to Boiler Room where he had some unfinished business with two of his suitors. I reluctantly did because I couldn’t find a cab. After dropping him off, I went outside to have a cigarette, look for a taxi, and managed to hop in a car with two people going to Brooklyn. They dropped me off a few blocks away, I gave them 5 dollars, and I walked home to my lovely dog. My much needed time alone had finally come.

Sunday morning I got to work on time, surprisingly. I was blissfully excited all day and counting the nanoseconds till the True Blood season finale that night. I decided to invite people over for a finale party. Right after work I rushed home, cleaned up my somewhat messy apartment and waited for my guests. Only two people showed up (‘Fixie’ and ‘The Cock of the North’s’ wife), which was quite comfortable and nice. We played the second to last episode and sipped on some Red as we ate some deli sandwiches and discussed the season’s highlights. Once 9 pm hit, the room went silent for a somewhat disappointing hour. The episode was not what I expected, regardless we enjoyed it extensively.

After the post finale wrap up, ‘The Cock of the North’s’ wife left. Me and ‘Fixie’ went out for a few drinks at The Woods where one of the Frenchies was having his farewell cocktails. I didn’t really want to go because I rarely have fun and also I knew he’d just broken up with his ex (as expected by every single person who knows them), and I wasn’t in the mood to hear all the bullshit that comes with that. Regardless, a pickleback or two sounded good. After filling our quota we left and walked to The Abbey for a few more rounds. I was expecting to run into ‘Nickle’ who had just gotten back from his weekend wedding trip in Montauk, but he was still in the city with his best friend. Me and ‘Fixie’ were tired and headed back home to rewatch the season finale. He didn’t last long. I stayed up for a bit longer texting with ‘Nickle’ who ended up coming over after he got back to Brooklyn and stopped by The Abbey to say hi to his friend. I suppose my boy free wedding was over.

“You want a piece of my heart? you better start from start. You wanna be in the show? come on baby, let’s go!”

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11.09.2011

I Love New York

“I don’t like cities. But I like New York. Other places make me feel like a dork. Los Angeles is for people who sleep.”

On the day of my usual bimonthly trip back to the west coast I decided to hit the Barney’s warehouse sale with ‘Freckles’. It was disappointingly bad.

Not having tamed our insatiable need to swipe some plastic and purchase unnecessary garb, we headed uptown to the flagship so we could pay full price and feel somewhat accomplished. I had a flight later that evening and I didn’t have much time to browse properly so after a somewhat unsuccessful shopping experience at Barney’s, and still with a lingering desire for more overpriced goods, we ventured into Bergdorf’s. Jackpot. I left with two Thom Browne shirts and a slight boner. The sales associate, a B-list actor in a few of Van Sant’s movies, was cute and flirty.

We took the train back home, I finished packing, grabbed my dog, and to JFK I went sans cellphone (which I’d lost the night before). The flight was standard.

I landed at SFO at around 10:30 pm. I messaged my friends through facebook because I had managed to find a replacement phone but had no one’s numbers. They contacted me and I took a cab to the Mission to my friend ‘Chogi’s’ place. She had just moved back to the west coast from Ohio, of all places. Upon arrival, three quarters of the party (the ones with vagina and a vast knowledge of fashion) greeted me with open arms and big screams, the other quarter (the one with a dick and the palate of a chef) was already in an alcohol induced coma. Then slowly, one by one started laying down and giving in to the same fate. I was getting a bit annoyed as I had just flown in and was expecting to make the best of the briefs number of nights we would get to spend together. Somehow, someway, and with the help of ‘Reindeer’ who showed up a bit after I got there, we got them up and ready to leave the apartment at the almost useless hour of 1 am (bars in California close at 2).

We took a cab to a place called The End Up. I had never been nor heard of it, and I’ve been in San Francisco many times, but I got quick good feedback as soon as I posted my plans for the night on facebook. Upon arrival, the place was annoyingly crowded by the wrong kind of crowd. That on top of the few minutes we had left to party, and the annoyingly overpriced cover, forced us to make the executive decision to walk back, pick up some booze at the store before they stop selling (2 am… again… ridiculous), and head back to ‘Chogi’s’ so I could catch up and they could kill their second wind. Being a New Yorker (yes, sometimes I do grant myself the right to claim that title), I was fine with walking the mile and a half journey. My fellow west coasters weren’t and, although they put up a good effort, after about two thirds of the way we ran into a limo parked at a gas station and, due to the lack of cabs, I asked the driver how much he’d charge us to take us home 7 blocks away. I was ready to pay whatever as long as the complaining stopped. Luckily, he said he’d take us for whatever we wanted to give him. We hopped on the stretched white car, opened our super classy bud light + clamato cans, and poured them in wine glasses.

The ride was ridiculously short. When it dawned on us that we could pop our head out the sunroof, we were already home. Despite the car being parked, we did so anyway. One by one we all passed out. I don’t recall in which order, all I remember is ‘Reindeer’ left and, sadly, that was all I saw of him that trip.

Saturday morning we had plans to go to Napa for some wine tasting good times. Surprisingly enough we were all up and ready by elevenish. Me, ‘Chogi’, ‘Dandayamana Janushirasana’, ‘Chet’, ‘Honey’, and ‘Toto’ rode the Volvo for an hour to wine country. First thing on the list was In-N-Out so me and ‘Chogi’ could indulge in the much missed West Coast fast food smorgasbord. We stayed at ‘Honey’s’s friends’ place, the same lezzy couple who’s wedding I’d crash back in July. The locals had another wedding to attend so the rest of us out of towners just drank and hung out around their apartment as they attended their previously scheduled festivities. After a few lazy hours we decided to explore the town. We called for a cab which proved out to be ridiculously inconvenient. Apparently, you have to wait anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour for a taxi. Eventually, we managed to get to the ghost town that was downtown Napa.

We walked and walked amidst closed businesses until we found a place we’d yelped about that had great reviews. We asked for a table and went across the street to have a drink as we waited for the estimated 45 minutes till our table was ready. In reality, it turned out to be more like an hour and a half. The food was good but not great, the service sub par but it got a bit better towards the end. With our bellies full and with hopes to party like only me and my Californians know, we tried walking back until we either found a cab, or a bar, but preferably both, neither of which were miles to be seen. Napa sucks.

Since all of our brilliant minds were together, we devised a plan to go to the grocery store, buy bottles of our favorite flavored drink (in my case ginger ale), and a bottle of vodka, make some road sodas and walk the 2.1 miles back to ‘Honey’s’ friends’ chateau. At first the Californians argued with me, God forbid they walk anywhere, but eventually they realized, like most of us New Yorkers do, that we don’t need no car or public transportation when we have a healthy pair of legs. Despite a couple detours and getting lost for a second, the walk home was fun.

That night I was really tired and somewhat drunk. I believe most of them stayed up chatting and drinking. I grabbed my cuddle buddy ‘Toto’ and dozed off on the couch.

Early Sunday morning I woke up and skyped with ‘Twentyeight’, one of my 50 Grind Dates. I’ve been keeping in touch with him because I want seconds, and because I find him very attractive. He definitely left a lasting impression. Then I skyped with ‘Jose Maria’ who was still in Greece on holiday but was about to come back to New York. Everybody started waking up. I said bye to my skypees and planned the rest of the day with my non virtual buddies. We went to Whole Foods to grab some pre-made goodies to eat and some vodka and 5 different kinds of olives to make our own bloody marys. Brunch at its best.

After showers and more laying around my best friend, appropriately nicknamed ‘The Wife’, showed up. Her parents, who live in the bay area, dropped her off very Middle School style. We all eventually left for Hess winery. Being one of the most sober ones (if not the most), I drove one car and ‘Honey’ drove the other one. The winery had an amazing art collection. I am not the biggest Rauschenberg fan, but there was one very colorful and very flat piece of him that I loved. Sadly, our day had started late so we only had half hour to walk around the gallery, and half hour to wine taste. Regardless, it was fun and relaxing, as I’d expect it to be.

We drove back home and finally agreed on what tattoo we’d all get. We’d been toying around with the idea to permanently mark our “friendship” on our bodies. The first thought was to get the word “Love” tattooed. I of course almost threw up. The idea evolved from “Love” to “Phylia” to “Love” in Braille. The efficient ‘Chogi’ found and contacted half of the only two studios that were open and available in that ghost town, and we walked right over. Coincidentally, it was a couple blocks away from the restaurant were we’d dined the night before. The “artist” wasn’t ready, so we went a couple of blocks more east to have a beer and some Mexican food. An hour later we returned. The first time under the needled gun was ‘The Wife’ who, in her very usual fashion, decided to fuck any plans we had and scribbled down the word “Love” with her own handwriting and got it tattooed near her wrist bone. After we all saw how pretty it looked we decided to get branded by her design. I, of course, still reluctant to have such word forever ingrained in my epidermis, came up with the brilliant idea of getting it etched on my ass. I figured it’d be funny and ironic. The rest of the tattooees got it either in the same spot as ‘The Wife’, or in the case of ‘Chogi’ and ‘Honey’, they reverted to the original Braille idea. All in all a fun experience. The tattooist, although a bit sketchy, was a really nice guy, who had now become part of the “pact” we had all partaken in.

We left the tattoo shop at around 11:30 pm, packed our bags back at the lezzys’ and drove home at midnight. It was a bitch of a ride. I drank some energy shot and drove for the first half of the trip with ‘Dandayamana Janushirasana’ keeping me company. We woke up ‘Chet’ and ‘Honey’ to pass the baton. She fell asleep, he drove the rest of the way down, I kept waking up every so often worried he might doze off and we might all end up sleeping with the fish (or in this case, since most of California is milk farms, cows).

Finally, after an exhausting seven hour drive, the sun had come up and we were back in LA. We all passed out almost instantaneously.

A few hours later, ‘Dandayamana Janushirasana’ woke up and went to work. Me and ‘Chet’ lingered around for a bit. He finally agreed to cater to most my needs and drove me to pick up ‘Talent Waster’ so we could all eat some delicious fish tacos at Rubio’s, one of the only reasons I really miss California. We then drove to buy some much needed and much cheaper cigarettes. We showed off our tattoos to ‘Talent Waster’ and she implored we get one with her as well. Despite the fact that I wanted to go to LACMA to see the Tim Burton exhibit, I gave in to my addiction and agreed to get inked for the 23rd time right before I had a dinner date with ‘T Rex’, an old teacher of mine who I briefly dated after I finished college. We googled and yelped our fingers away trying to find a spot that was both reputable and had a very low minimum because we didn’t want to pay 80+ bucks for such tiny tattoos. Our search ended when we discovered a place not too far from ‘Chet’s’ place. Being LA, we drove the less than a mile walk.

The place was empty, as expected on a Tuesday afternoon, but the staff seemed really nice and welcoming. I was the first to go. This time, the marking in question was the word “black” in Braille. I am not sure what the whole obsession with Braille is, but I liked how it looked. I got it injected on my chest. Up next ‘Talent Waster’ got “Love” in Braille on her arm, and ‘Chet’ got the same right under the handwritten version he’d just gotten done the day before. We dropped ‘Talent Waster’ off at her place and I said good bye for the last time in a while. My lovely friend had decided to leave everything behind and head to the land down under in search of new experiences. Although I’m a bit pissed at her for doing so instead of coming to New York, this is one of the reasons why I adore her and I wish her the best. Besides, I’m sure she’ll come around to her senses and move to the city I love.

On the way back, ‘Chet’ dropped me off at a random intersection where I met up with ‘T Rex’. He looked different. A bit more haggered, a bit more heavy, still somewhat attractive. I think that New York has raised my standard and given me a new appreciation of beauty because I used to find this man absolutely stunning. We went to dinner at a Mexican spot next to the bar we used to go to all the time. It was incredibly pleasant to see him and catch up. I could tell he still had a thing for me. In our usual manner, we drank and drank and drank. An hour and a half later, we went for one last round at the aforementioned bar, and then we walked back towards his car and ‘Chet’s’. I had to catch a plane in a couple of hours. On the corner where we logically had to part ways, we said goodbye, I gave him a peck, and walked buzzed back to my friends’.

My last few minutes in California outside LAX were sappy. The people I’ve met there are probably the hardest thing to leave every time I go back. Despite the fact we see each other regularly, it never gets old. I packed my bags, grabbed my dog, said good byes, and got driven by ‘Honey’ to the airport. I got there at the right time, unfortunately, my plane didn’t. My flight was delayed an hour and a half, and that was just the beginning of my 12 hour long return back home… completely worth it but so annoying that I don’t even want to write about it.

“Other cities always make me mad, other places always make me sad. No other city ever made me glad except New York. I love New York”

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19.08.2011

Family, Fuck Buddies, and Fuckin’ Beyonce!

Monday night my sister had a layover in Newark and missed her connecting flight to Spain. For some bizarre illogical reason my parents asked me to book her a room at a nearby hotel room rather than her taking a cab over to Brooklyn and sleeping at my place. She wasn’t leaving till the next day at 9 pm, but apparently, common sense doesn’t run in this family. I thought it did. I downed a few buck-a-piece PBRs and forgot about the situation.

The next morning, I get a call from her saying she’s coming to New York. I tell her to take a cab. Five minutes later she calls me back saying she’s taking the train because they told her a cab would be $120. Again, I know she’s never been to New York, but she’s well traveled, how the hell does that make sense?! A cab to and from Newark is never more than four Jacksons ($20 dollar bills for my international readers, although I’m quite certain that most Americans don’t know that either). Regardless, I headed to Penn Station to wait for her. I called her as soon as I arrived. She hadn’t even left Jersey! I wanted to shoot myself because, if you know me, you know how impatient I am especially when it’s about common sense situations. She finally arrived, and we started the day.

** side note: me and my sister don’t have a close relationship at all. On the contrary, we never talk, and it wasn’t really till she turned 18 and I was 23 that we begun to barely hang out. Before, we just didn’t. Furthermore, I would probably drown in roll over minutes if her number was the only one I could dial. I know I’m like that with my parents, but not as severe. It is not that I don’t love her, it is just how we grew up. Regardless, just like my friends, the moment I see her it’s like I saw her the day before. **

My 5-hour-first-time-visitor-quick-tour-of-New-York started with a walk through the sea of tourists that is Times Square. I’m not sure if she was afraid of what I would say or if she just didn’t care, but she did not ask to stop for a photo op (thank GOD!). We just swam through the crowd and boarded the 50th street 1 train uptown to Columbus Circle. I pointed out the city’s top restaurant (according to the S. Pellegrino’s World 50 Best Restaurants) Per Se, she’s a chef so she likes these things. We strolled through the park till we arrived at 5th ave. I showed her the now under remodel Apple store. She wanted to buy some shoes so, naturally, I took her to Bergdorf’s. No luck. Then we walked to Rockefeller Center, went to the top floor, and took pictures of the view which, to me, is the best as far as rooftops in New York go.

We carried on with our shoe hunt, which lead us to Saks. She found a pair of Choo Shoes she liked but they weren’t available in her size. We walked to the Choo shop, but it was closed. Finally, we headed towards the 6 train and stopped at Bloomingdale’s where she purchased some cute Prada flats. We got on the train and off at Grand Central Station. She took a few pictures and ended up at the Bar à Huîtres indulging in some oysters, mussels, clams, and crustaceans. We had a nice chat about my dad’s crazy and annoying family.

Her time was running out. I took her to my apartment really fast so she could see my dog and some of Brooklyn. We didn’t stay long. We headed back to the city and ate a lite early dinner at DBGB because, as I stated, she’s a fan of certain chefs, in this case Daniel Boulud. The food was nice. I called her a car and off she went on a $58 ride back to Newark. I haven’t talked to her since.

I went back to Brooklyn and ended up wasting time till I met ‘Fixie’ for some Criff Dogs and drinks. We biked to a couple of bars ending up at Metropolitan. A couple acquaintances of him were there. We chatted with a guy I find attractive but happens to be a male hustler (probably subconsciously why I like him). He was there with two of his friends from Wisconsin. To say they were all odd is an understatement. We decided to leave after 2.5 drinks and some awkward conversation. I was going to ask him to come over, but he had plans so we said goodbye. I went home alone and slightly sad I didn’t get to sleep next to him. I still like him a lot.

Wednesday I worked. It was a very very long day. I received a message in the morning from a friend of a friend back in LA who happens to live in New York. I had messaged her months ago before I moved here because my friend had said we’d get along. After almost a year she finally responded. She was having her birthday party at some karaoke bar in Korea Town. I told her I’d stop by for a bit, but I had to go to my “Wednesday Religious Service” at 11ish. After work, I went home, took a half hour nap and called ‘The Lady of Derbyshire’ to come with to watch drunk Asians sing White songs. The girl who invited me was really nice. Another girl I knew from back home was there. I don’t know why that surprised me. The Koreans, just like the gays, all seem to know each other.

The crowd was very young and kind of annoying in a “I’m no longer in my early twenties, but they are” kind of way. Birthday girl was complaining about turning 24. We left after two beers and four songs. I walked ‘The Lady of Derbyshire’ back towards her place and my train. I was asked for a cigarette by this crazy black woman (I am not trying to be offensive here, she really was black. That was a joke BTW). I gave her one, then she asked me for a lighter. I didn’t want to give her one because she looked crazy and a bit dirty so I said I didn’t have one. She got mad and ripped the cigarette to pieces in front of my eyes. I was shocked and I wanted to scream: “Bitch you know how much cigarettes cost in New York?!” but I didn’t because she was scary. I got on the train and headed to the East Village. I was on a mission.

The train was running express from Union Square to Brooklyn Bridge so I got off and walked to the bar. I didn’t have to work the next day. I was intending on spending some quality sexy time with DJ. The bar was nice. I got free drinks and socialized with the regulars. Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name. DJ was there with two Spanish friends who were a couple in an open relationship (shocker!) and spoke very minimal English. Per his request, I entertained them. I could tell one of them was into him. I kissed DJ and went outside with the Spaniards to smoke un cigarro. They decided to leave so they went inside to say their goodbyes. The younger of the two made out with DJ in front of me and his beau. Again, I did not care. I hung out with DJ some more and kissed him again. I like that he’s always telling everyone how cute I am. He said he liked that I had manners a.k.a. I was ok with him kissing others. I told him it was fine. I think I kissed someone too that night. We made out in the bathroom. His coworkers made fun of us. His friend was staying over so I suggested we go back to my place. He agreed. We left close to 4am and cabbed it to Brooklyn.

He’d never been to my place. We kissed and fooled around a bit but nobody came. My dog was acting very crazy and I was a bit paranoid that DJ was gonna be annoyed. As I told him, he is a JAP. He proudly admitted he was. We woke up around 8. His initial reaction: taking a couple of seconds to realize where you are, was hilarious and familiar. I’ve been there. We slept a bit more and woke up again at 11. I offered to get him a smoothie when I walked my dog. He suggested we get brunch (another first for us). I lent him some shorts to spare him from the walk of shame as he was wearing some tight zebra print biker shorts. We walked to DuMont for some eggs in his case, and gazpacho and a salad in mine. He was acting very cute. He said he never stays over at other people’s places nor does he seem them in the daylight. I am not sure what to make of that. I liked it, but at the same time it was a bit outside my comfort zone with him. I think he likes me likes me. We talked about boys in a very unconventional way. I think most guys would not be comfortable conversing about other sex partners and dates with the guy they just slept with. It doesn’t bother me.

He went home right after. He said he was djing near my apartment on Friday so I told him I’d stop by and pick up my shorts. He said he could maybe stop by my work on Friday and drop em off (another first!). We kissed goodbye. I’m starting to like this whole making out right outside the train station situation.

I went home and purchased Beyonce tickets. I wrote on the blog, cleaned up a bit, ran some errands and took a nap.

At around 7pm I headed to the Meatpacking to meet up with my friend friend who was to be my “date” for the show. We ate at The Dinner and cabbed it to Roseland Ballroom for, as I stated when I checked in, “the OTHER black party”. I don’t think anyone got my joke on Facebook. The show was amazing. I love Beyonce and, although I wished she’d performed more songs off “I Am Sasha Fierce”, I was quite pleased. “End of Time” and ” Countdown” sufficed.

Regretfully, she didn’t do an encore. We left the show and he cabbed it home. I cabbed it to the Lower East Side to meet up with the Frenchies and ‘John G’, who was pissed because they wouldn’t let him in to The Box. If you ask me, who cares! I hate that place. The Frenchies stayed at The Box and I walked with ‘John G’ to 2nd and 2nd. We had a couple of drinks at The Cock. The bartender, also a bartender at Eastern Bloc, gave me a free drink. We left promptly.

I drunkenly texted DJ to see if he was up. He didn’t replied so I took a taxi home.

I woke up this morning and got ready for work. It’s been a slow day. I’ve been on Facebook and writing on here for the past 5 hours. DJ hasn’t come. For some bizarre reason I’m really enjoying my life right now. The anxiety is still there, but I’ve had a different take on the situation. I think I have a lot to be grateful for. I think I’m gonna go to San Francisco for labor day. I think I’m gonna see DJ again tonight. I’ve also been giggling a lot. That’s that.

EDIT: DJ just texted he’s coming over in 20 minutes. HA!

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15.08.2011

Let the good times roll!

When I arrived, ‘Siouxsie’ was standing by the curb outside the Delta Airlines Terminal 3 at JFK. She was looking tiny and cute as always wearing black, her color of choice, from head to toe. Her petite frame was looking all over the place for me until I informed her I was parked right behind an orange sports car. She thought I would come pick her up via subway. No. I don’t do subways to New York airports.

She got in the hybrid car and gave me a huge hug. This girl is one of my oldest friends and whenever we see each other it’s like we saw each other a few hours ago. We drove back to my place through horrendous traffic (by my new New York standards, because in LA this would’ve been a breeze). She dropped her bags off at my place and we headed to Wild Ginger for some good ol’ cruelty free early dinner. The food was tasty, and the conversation even tastier. We finished and went back home to decompress before hitting the streets for her first night in the Big Apple (btw she told me why NYC is referred to as the Big Apple, turns out they used to have horse races here and the winner would get a big apple, thus it became known as the city of the Big Apple).

First stop: Drop Off Service in the East Village for drink with a friend of her ex. No, it wasn’t awkward at all. We didn’t stay long, I had been invited to a house party at the Frenchies’ place, so we left after two drinks. We met up with ‘Jose Maria’ and headed to their midtown apartment. Parties at their place are not very… typical. They usually involve a cosmopolitan punch bowl, and about a dozen French speakers doing just that: speaking in French. Regardless, it’s ok, I don’t mind starting the night there. ‘Sandpaper’ was there. He tried to talk to me but I casually ignored him the whole time. He texted me a picture of myself he took on one of our “dates”. I didn’t reply. I was done with him. When we left he said he’d never see me again, I said: have a safe trip.

We cabbed it back to Brooklyn. I met up with ‘Fixie’ and his friend at Metro for a quick drink. He was there with some really nice simian looking boy. I think ‘Jose Maria’ and ‘Siouxie’ were somewhat annoyed at me because I was paying so much attention to him, but my infatuated heart paid has stopped caring. We all left to Alligator Lounge for some free pizza but there was none left, so we ended up eating noodles down the street. ‘Fixie’ was drunk beyond bike riding capabilities so his simian friend and I dragged his tattooed ass and bike back to my place where he would unwillingly spend the night. ‘Jose Maria’ left without saying a proper goodbye. We all went to bed.

Saturday morning I woke up and got smoothies for me and ‘Fixie’, then I left him and ‘Siouxie’ and went to work. Apparently, he stayed quite late talking to her. Me and ‘The Lady of Derbyshire’ met ‘Siouxsie’ after work and we unsuccessfully tried to go see the Alexander McQueen exhibit. The waiting line was a ridiculous three hour long. I’d seen the show, they were hungry, we were impatient so we nixed the museum and went to dinner in the UES at some very tasty Mediterranean restaurant. We then cabbed it down to ‘The Lady of Derbyshire’s’ place for some rooftop cocktails but since it was raining, we just watched Ponyo, Party Monster, waited for ‘Jose Maria’ to meet up so we could head to Brooklyn. It was ‘Jose Maria’s’ last night in the city before our month long vacation. He was going to Greece.

Our first stop was Union Pool. We didn’t stay long, just a drink or two’s time. We left for Sugarland. We weren’t drunk enough to handle the crowd or the music so after less than half hour ‘Jose Maria’ went home to finish packing. We went to The Abbey for a night cap. I met a very handsome thirty-something with a very pecuniary last name. We made plans to meet for drinks in the following weeks. We left the bar and went to sleep.

Sunday I worked. I left somewhat early and went home. ‘Siouxsie’ had a list of bars she wanted to check out, most of which did not sound appealing to me, but I was willing to oblige. I took us to my obligatory pseudo conjugal visit at Gansevoort. I said hi to DJ, gave him a peck, and left promptly. He wanted me to come over later that night, but it didn’t end up happening. We walked to some other bar on ‘Siouxsie’s’ list off West 4th but somewhat thankfully, it was closed. I took her to Cubby Hole for some lezzy lovin’. Peculiarly enough, Jerry O’Connell and Andy Cohen were there. We didn’t stay long either. We finished the night at Hogs and Heffers.

Monday we had a day trip to Sleepy Hollow planned. Yes, it’s a real town, and no, I didn’t know it existed till ‘Siouxsie’ pointed it out. In the morning, I had a slight freak out when I convinced myself I had some sort of STD because it tingled down there. I quickly started taking antibiotics and the “symptoms” went away. On the train ride to Sleepy Hollow, I saw a picture of the girls at Hogs and Heffers doing their bar top dance. I apparently blacked out because I had no recollection of this. ‘Siouxsie’ pointed out that I passed out on the cab and somehow miraculously woke up just in time to give the driver the final directions to my place. I love my resilience.

Sleepy Hollow was interesting. It was very small and charming, in a very… creepy horror B-movie sort of way. We had a picnic at the cemetery and walked down the headless horseman bridge. We had some shockingly good food at a local restaurant off the river. We headed back home. We didn’t go out that night because we had big plans for Tuesday, so we opted to rest.

As planed, Tuesday we woke up, rented a bike for ‘Siouxsie’ and started our trip from Billyburg to the Upper East Side. The day consisted of The Met, picnic at Central Park, MOMA, and chinatown with a quick stop at my hairstylist’s to get a nice trim before Fire Island on Thursday. Sadly, New York chose to rain on our parade, and we found ourselves stuck inside The Met trying to wait out the crazy thunderstorm outside. Eventually, we decided to buy 10 dollar Met grey ponchos, and bike back. Twenty blocks later, we gave up on biking and caught a train home. I had to cancel my hair appt.

That night, we ventured to the tourist ridden Times Square to watch The Addams Family musical (starring Brooke Shields). The play was amazing. Way way better than what I had expected. We went to dinner at Fatty Crab (for the third week in a row!). I think ‘Siouxsie’ enjoyed it. Sometimes it’s hard to read her. Le Bain followed. Again, I was skeptical to whether or not she was having a good time, but a few cocktails later and once we were sitting by the hot tub I realized she was. Le Bain has a weird hypnotizing power over most people, whether it is the views or just the debauchery that goes inside, it always brings out the crazy in its attendees. I tried to convince ‘Siouxsie’ to get in the pool, but despite wanting to, she said she didn’t trust herself enough to go in and not get a little frisky. We left the club and went to sleep.

Throughout this whole week I’d been dealing with anxiety over my crazy sex night a few weeks ago, and the whole alleged STD I thought I had wasn’t helping so I decided to go to the Free Clinic that morning and get tested. I texted my coworker to let her know I was coming in a bit late. The clinic was, as usual, a bit weird. Everybody there is just silent and looking at each other wondering what the outcome of the visit will be for the others. Thankfully, I left with a negative smile. I then cabbed it to the Lower East Side and got my haircut before going to work. I made a sale that day, which only added to my long yet, as my friend described, “awesome” day.

Wednesday night me, ‘Siouxsie’, and two friends went to dinner at the magical Mesa Coyoacan. It is one of my favorite restaurants in New York. As expected, everybody was pleased with their food and their drinks. We walked off the food coma and ‘Siouxsie’ decided to stay in for the night. I went to Eastern Bloc by myself. I saw DJ and brought him some Peach Oh’s. I called ‘Dandayamana Janushirasana’ and talked to her briefly. I feel like it progressively takes longer and longer between our chats. I went back in and met some boy off Grindr. He was cute and Dutch (which, because of previous experiences, had me wanting to see more). I had a couple of uneventful drinks with him and headed home. Anxiety on the way back.

Thursday I took the day off. Me and ‘Siouxsie’ took a very long and exhausting, but incredibly fun and beautiful trip to Cherry Grove in Fire Island. Knowing it was a bit of a treck, we unrealistically had meant to leave by 10 am but we actually left more around noon. The trek, as I stated, was long. We took the subway to East New York, transferred to the LIRR to Jamaica, then to Babylon, then to Sayville, then a bus to the ferry, then a ferry to the island. On the last train there, I felt this very handsome older gentleman with a Louis Vuitton x Takashi Murakami Monogramouflage Keepall, and a white Rick Owens sleeveless tee staring at me. Yes, I notice these things, and no, it’s not for signs of money, it’s for signs of style. I was acting like I didn’t register his undressing gaze, but being 100% sure he’d be on Grindr, I logged on. I was right. His profile said: “Coming to an iPhone near you” to which I replied: “or an Android”. When we got to the ferry, he replied. He acted like he didn’t know who I was and said: “are you on the same itinerary as me? you look familiar”. I told him: “yes, you were staring at me the whole way”. We started talking and it turns out although he was going to Fire Island, he was going to the fancier, more Chelsea-esque side. We kept grindng back and forth from the top deck of his ferry to the top deck of mine. It was cute. I learned he was German and in town for pleasure, but he comes back often, so I gave him my email and we decided to keep in touch for future visits.

I had never been and had no idea what to expect. A part of me thought it was going to be a big gay smorgasbord of naked drug boys and girls. It turns out, Cherry Grove is not the Fire Island Pines. It is where the gays go to retire, so instead we found ourselves surrounded by people who could not only be out parents, they could be our grandparents. It was very cute.

We had some fried sea food at one of the maybe 5 restaurants there, then laid on the sand enjoying the mild sun rays (yes! I actually said “enjoying”). The weather was perfect. The view was interesting: lots of sagging skin and salt and pepper hair with the occasional gym going nudist. I am not trying to be mean here, I am just reporting what I saw. I did not mind the crowd, they were all nice. If anything, I felt like they minded me, but not because they weren’t nice (because, again, they were), but because I felt like I was invading their untainted virginal haven.

After the beach, we explored a bit. I was curious to walk through “the woods” where, allegedly, men fuck in the bushes. The whole idea sounded interesting to watch, but not to participate. I got bug bitten so many times I can’t imagine being able to concentrate in the sexual tasks at hand. ‘Siouxsie’ was being antsy and restless (as usual), so we walked back to the dock to try and catch a ferry back. It turns out, ferrys come every 2 hours so we ended up going to the nearby bar to have drinks till it was time to board.

We met more nice homosexagenarians and some not so nice younger gays. We left the island at 9 pm and, after another long trek, got home at around midnight. For her last night, I took ‘Siouxsie’ to The Woods. Despite her not wanting to, I had to have her take a pickleback (for those of you who don’t live on the east coast, a pickleback is a shot of whiskey chased with a shot of pickle juice. Absolutely delicious!). Although she won’t admit it, I’m pretty sure she loved it. We had some tacos in the back and left the bar. We made a pit stop at my friend’s apartment who had invited us to Westway. We declined the invite because we were spent from our long beachy day. We went to bed shortly after that.

Friday I worked, she packed. She met me at work around lunch time for her last pie of her trip at L’Asso, which I happen to consider the best, if not top 3, pizza in New York. We said our goodbyes and back to suburbia she went. I got back to work and made plans for my evening. Not having ‘Jose Maria’ around is somewhat of a task, because usually he’s my default alcoholic, but for the past week or so I’ve been having to get creative. It’s not that I don’t have more friends, it’s more that now I have to actually make “plans” and juggle them around to see what sounds more appealing that night. And juggling I did… without knowing that that night my perspective on life would be indirectly severely shaken. I’ve been quite sad all weekend.

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07.08.2011

A new exercise in quick entries: part deux.

Let’s not waste words on pointless intros like this one and cut right to the point.

Wednesday I worked. The boss has been out of town and so for the next couple of weeks I’m the big man. It was a very productive day, me and the assistant, ‘Andy’, thoroughly organized the office almost to the point of my obsessive compulsive liking. It was also a slow day so we closed shop a bit early. I hung out around SoHo and purchased a few unnecessary necessities. I went home for a split second, showered, and then met ‘Jose Maria’ at BarBossa for a quick bite before heading to the religiously attended Eastern Bloc Wednesday night. I don’t remember drinking too heavily but apparently, I got really drunk, as both ‘Jose Maria’ and DJ pointed out. I ended up going home with the latter.

Thursday I worked again. I made plans with ‘Fixie’ to go buy a fixie. I met him right off the Bedford stop, we grabbed a slice of pie, and walked/talked all the way to some bike shop in Greenpoint I’d seen before on my walks to do laundry. He told me about this man that he briefly dated, and how it just went to shit (I’m not surprised) because he was misunderstood. Although I might not agree with his mantra 100%, and who would agree with anyone’s 100% anyway, I am completely on his side and totally see his point (tho I might be biased). He’s a beautiful man who is very self aware and knows what he wants, even if that’s too progressive for others to grasp. He wanted a drink to drown his disappointment, so I obliged. After a very successful and very quick bike shopping experience, we walked to The Abbey for some beers. We talked more about boys. The whole time, I held myself back from just jumping and fucking the shit out of him (yes, I’m in love or, at the very least, severely infatuated). I then invited him over to my place for more beer and TV. We were on our second beer and second episode of Ab Fab when my prince charming passed out beer in hand. I was creepy and took a picture. I then talked to ‘Jose Maria’ who was out and about having drinks for his going away (although he’s really just going on vacation) party. I decided to put ‘Fixie’ to bed and head over to, where else?, Ten Degrees. There were only about 5 or 6 people in his party, one of them was one of the most beautiful straight men I’ve seen in my life. No joke. I had two drinks and headed back home to ‘Fixie’. I slept naked that night.

Friday I was woken up by ‘Fixie’ staring at me at about 6 in the AM. I gave him a naked hug and a kiss and he went home to change and get ready for work. I slept for a bit more and, although I wasn’t supposed to, headed to work myself. I sent a couple emails, checked up on things, and had an unexpected conversation with some guy for a future reality show they might want me to be a part of. I’m thinking about it, but most likely, for professional reasons, I will have to pass. I then left to run more work errands and to JFK to pick up my friend ‘Siouxsie’, who’s mention requires me to close this entry as she deserves her own separate set of entries. It was her first visit to New York. Regretfully, I was late. I forget that New York City freeways/highways have traffic too.

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04.08.2011

A new exercise in quick entries. I failed.

So it’s been 11 days since I post my usual diary-like post. I have written a grind date entry (and will very soon do another one), and my response to an online article I read, but I haven’t updated the blog in terms of my every-day-sort-of-monotonous-shenanigan report. I want to try something different and do the whole week (Monday to Sunday) in a short-paragraph-per-day way. Here we go.

Monday I freaked out most of the day. I took a nap as soon as I got home from my slut fest. ‘The Lady of Derbyshire’ came over for a bit since she was in the area. Then, I met some friends for a much needed Sundubu fix (they don’t make it like they do in LA) and a few drinks at a mediocre rooftop bar somewhere in K-town. We all parted ways and I met ‘Jose Maria’ in the East Village at a Greek restaurant that looked like a prop in some Hollywood back lot. He was dining with a very odd and diverse crew. Still feeling anxious about my future STD’s (I’m a hypochondriac), I wasn’t feeling much like drinking. We all went to Apotheke in China Town for some “actually drinkable” drinks. I got sloshed and offered to take some of his friends to Le Bain the next night to celebrate someone’s birthday. I (and possibly ‘Jose Maria’) went home (though we might have stopped by Metro).

Tuesday I freaked out again. I can’t remember what I did during the day but most likely I just laid in bed still tired and miserable trying to convince myself that convincing myself that I might have some STD isn’t the best idea. Finally I decided to get it together and leave the confinements of my apartment walls to meet ‘Jose Maria’ and co. as I had promised the previous night. I went to the deliciously decadent Fatty Crab with ‘Jose Maria’. After dinner, we waited for his friends at The Standard Bar, and I proceeded to halfheartedly work my magic at the busy door. Half of us got in, the rest waited downstairs. I ran into some friends, I showed the magical New York City views to birthday boy (who had never been to Le Bain and didn’t seem like he went out much anyway), and I suggested we go back downstairs to meet the mortals who weren’t allowed access to Mt. Olympus. Two more of ‘Jose Maria’s’ friends were downstairs. I lushly charmed the shit out of everyone and although the idea was to head home after, we ended up back upstairs. I took one of the girls who hadn’t been allowed in before with me and breezed her through the door. ‘Jose Maria’s’ friends were trying to counterfeit the stamp. Really? It is not that serious! But kuddos to them, their trickery worked. I was drunk so I didn’t stay much longer. I left with birthday boy (but not really “with”), ‘Jose Maria’ stayed with the con artists. I went home to my beautiful dog.

Wednesday I worked. It was nice to be busy and not think about my dominical mistakes. After work I went home. I was to meet ‘Jose Maria’ after his date at our habitual Eastern Bloc, but he was being himself and had me waiting forever. I went to the bar anyway, texted him and waited some more. I had two drinks and decided to head home. I stopped by his second home (Ten Degrees) to see if he was still there with his beau. They were. I joined them for a drink which turned into 5 or more. I really liked ‘Salgadinho’, his little Brazilian lover. Finally, at about 3 am I decided to head to bed. On my way home, I got a message from ‘Fixie’ who was near my apartment. We met for a drink at Metro and had a lovely make out session in the photo booth. I’m smitten. He left to meet an out of towner who was staying with him. I went home with a giant grin on my face.

Thursday I worked. Again, despite the hang over, it was very welcomed. I like keeping busy. We had an event that night so most of the day I was running up and down and doing anything but thinking about my future terminal illness. The event went great. A few of my friends stopped by. ‘Fixie’ showed up with a date, which I didn’t mind. That’s him and that’s why I like him. After the event I met ‘Mexican Paddington’, ‘Queen of the Dammed’, ‘Fixie’, and his beau du jour at an art show nearby. We all grabbed drinks at a bar around the block. ‘Fixie’ pecked me in front of his man, and then told our Atlantic City story to his date. I love how shameless he is. I like that he gave me my place (even if it’s just his ‘weekend boyfriend’ as he had previously stated). After a few drinks I left the group and met some of my other friends who’d stop by my work at Le Bain. It was the same old shit. Me and ‘Jose Maria’ left to catch one last drink at Metro. Getting back to Brooklyn was a bitch. The subway wasn’t coming for another 20 minutes so we hailed a cab. The bridge was closed so we got off the cab and walked to another subway. We took the wrong train and ended up somewhere in south Brooklyn. Miraculously a cab passed by right away and we had it take us to our haven. We made it just in time for last call, literally. Apparently, at some point in the night I talked to some Colombian girls, which now, as I’m writing, I vaguely remember. We stumbled back to my place and argued the whole way back. I slept.

Friday I woke up and met my shoe dealer. I bought some cute shoes I’d been wanting for a while at a very discounted price. As per dealeresque behavior, my dealer tried to somewhat take a bit of advantage of me. I let it slide. Twenty dollars more or less won’t break my bank. I went to work. I was supposed to meet ‘Fixie’ to go bike shopping after, and possibly ride to Conney Island to watch fireworks, but the damn weather chose to rain on my (love) parade (literally). Instead, I met ‘John G’ that night for drinks at Phoenix. I told him about Sunday and, rightfully so, he gave me his judging eye. He admitted to joining Grindr, which I found absolutely hilarious (in a good way). ‘Jose Maria’ was being his usual slightly annoying self. Him and his friends were going to meet us but were taking forever. The more I drink the less patient I am. We left Phoenix after a few minutes and walked to Boiler Room. I personally dislike that place, but both ‘Jose Maria’ and ‘John G’ were meeting boys. ‘Salgadingho’ was there but ‘John G’s’ man had moved to Urge. I unwillingly accompanied ‘John G’ to meet his Grind Date. They were all being awkward and acting ashamed of having met through an app. Oh boys. I’d been texting with DJ about possibly stopping by for a late night analingus sesh, but by the time we left Urge, went back to the Boiler Room, and left there, he was already asleep. I went home.

Saturday back to work again. Since it was the second to last night my dear boss, ‘The Cock of the North’, was going to be in New York before fleeing to his homeland for a month, we decided to grab some drinks around the block once we closed. The evening was nice. Lots of talk about business and a bit of gossip here and there. The boss, me, and ‘The Lady of Derbyshire’ make a good team. At about midnight we headed back to Brooklyn. ‘The Cock of the North’ wanted to have more drinks, “The Lady of Derbyshire’ didn’t. I always love drinking with the authority so I went along. We stayed out longer than expected, but that’s usually how it goes, and also, as expected, we had a great conversation about life, work, and our friendship (he hates it when I refer to him as the boss). I went to bed at 5.

Sunday, despite feeling very tired and hung over, I showed up at work even though I didn’t have to. I knew it was only gonna be ‘The Cock of the North’ by himself all day, and being the amazing gentleman/friend I am, I concluded that it was only fair to share the burden after our long party night. The day went by slow. I bid ‘The Cock of the North’ goodbye, wished him a great trip, and left work headed to ‘The Lady of Derbyshire’s’ apartment for some rooftop drinking. The rest of the night has been documented on the previous Grind Date entry.

And there you have it! Last week. It is still a very long entry despite trying to restrain myself, but I supposed that’s what happens when I don’t update every other day. Sorry for the inconvenience, and to make it up, I will write a bonus paragraph about my somewhat uneventful Monday. Cheers.

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Monday I spent the whole day being productive in house. I thoroughly cleaned my apartment (scrubbed bathroom walls, moved furniture, vacuumed the cow rug, swiped counters, sweeped bookcases, fluffed pillows, you name it i did it), watched true blood, wrote an entry, did laundry, checked my finances, and God knows what else. Although I was spent, I also cooked a nice dinner for ‘Jose Maria’ and me. He came over and we had some spinach fusilli with a fake meat bolognese sauce and a glass (or two) of carmenere. I can’t cook much, but what I can I do good. We watched the painfully awful yet incredibly catchy train wreck of a show known as the A-List and then headed to Metro to meet a friend who… used to live in New York but had recently moved to San Francisco but is now back in New York but is really living in New Hampshire? I’m confused. The details of the night will be posted on another entry as I turns out, I went on a Grind date… sort of.

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26.07.2011

Grind Date No. 7 & 8: Cupcakes & Clovers.

As I mentioned in the previous post, I had two quicky Grind dates this past weekend. I was beginning to think I was hitting a dry spill of some sort and I was somewhat hopefully for these two unexpected incidents, but sadly, almost nothing happened. However, I feel I should still record the experience to keep true to the mission at hand.

The mix of my recent manic hornyness and the drive to actually finish this project I started had lead me to logging in to Grindr, to the dislike of my friends, almost religiously. Everywhere and anywhere I went I’d try to make my presence noticed in the cyber cruise space, and apparently, my efforts have somewhat paid off.

Enter: Cupcakes. I saw him when I was logged in at Phoenix last Friday night. He was going out and I was going home so we just starred each other (Grindr’s way of “bookmarking” some one), exchanged numbers, and said goodnight. The following Saturday we were messaging consistently while I was at work. He mentioned he worked at a Cupcake shop in the village. He was cute, young, charming, and with a dog. Not necessarily instant wet pants, but something to work with. We sexted a bit. He kept me intrigued. Somehow he coerced me to stop by his shop after work and lured me with some free iced tea and dessert.

I asked ‘The Lady of Derbyshire’ to come with, and as soon as the clock struck 7 we closed the office and walked over. The weather was horribly hot and humid. The walk wasn’t the sexiest. Upon arriving, I was gross and sweaty, and a bit out of breath, but I said hi. He was cuter in person. There was a slightly awkward exchange of words and I got my Red Velvet 500 calorie cupcake and iced tea. We sat down in the AC-less establishment and gave in to our fat kid impulses. I didn’t talk to him at all the whole time. He was behind the counter, and I was with “The Lady of Derbyshire”. We finished our dessert and drank the delicious generic iced tea (to be honest, it might’ve only been delicious because of the heat) and I said bye and we took off. I told him to text me after work. Maybe we could meet, why not? We didn’t.

We texted back and forth a handful of times after that. Nothing really came out of it. I am not sure what he thought of me but by the looks of it, he wasn’t feeling it. Oh well, maybe later there’ll be an entry on round two.

Sunday I woke up a bit late for work and logged on to Grindr. I had been messaging some guy who was not too far away. He suggested we grab brunch but I said I had to work so I couldn’t. I told him I was gonna go grab a smoothie and he asked me to bring him one. I said “what do you think I am? the service? I am mexican, but that’s it”. He asked if he could join. I told him to meet me in 7 minutes. He arrived 15 minutes later. We got our drinks and walked back towards his. He was Irish, hence why I christened him ‘Clovers’. He worked with kids with autism. He lived in Massachusetts, and was in town only for the weekend. Overall he seemed like a nice guy, not my type at all physically, but a nice guy. His Grindr picture was deceiving.

We stopped outside his place and sat on the steps. We talked for about 5 to 10 minutes, and I told him I had to go. He said he was about to offer to go upstairs and get to know each other a bit better. I would’ve politely declined anyways. I walked home and got ready for work.

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26.07.2011

It’s just another manic Wednesday/Thursday/Friday/ Saturday/Sunday…

Wednesday after ‘Buck’ left things went back to normal. After a quick stop at the gallery and then a tedious wait at the Sprint store, I had my phone back and all was good with the planet. I met ‘Jose Maria’ at his favorite bar with his friend for a quick drink before sushi. I felt like I could finally enjoy some raw fish after being scared of it after a previous food poisoning incident. Takahachi was good, but for some reason, and I blame this on the heat mostly, the sushi wasn’t as rewarding as it usually is. It didn’t feel fresh, it felt tepid. We left and went to Eastern Bloc for our habitual Wednesday night. I’ve been in a crazy horny mood lately, I think because of my mania, so I was somewhat looking for trouble. Thankfully I held back. I managed to drink a lot and make out with DJ a few times, and then just cabbed it back home. I was craving a night completely alone at my apartment. It felt great.

The next morning, I got ready and headed to work. The days had been painstakingly hot. It was somewhat comforting to be in the confines of the office with the AC on full blast. Sadly, the back and forth of temperatures had my throat aching like a mother fucker. I soon discovered that I had a case of “Sick Building Syndrome” (yes, it’s a real condition) due to the air quality affected by the AC unit. What’s a boy to do?

Later that night, I had a date with ‘Sandpaper’. To be honest, I was kind of dreading it. Again, he’s moving too fast for me. He had asked me if it would be ok for him to spend the night so he packed an overnight bag and met me at my place. Is it me or is it just a tad too much? I was a bit annoyed and didn’t really care if I was rude so I was 30 minutes late. We walked to Mesa Coyoacan and had some proper Mexican food. It was weird because it really felt like a date. He was being all romantic and cutesy and I could tell people smelled the date-ness of the whole situation. After dinner, we stopped by Metropolitan for one last night cap (or two). An alcoholic has a quota he has to meet. I ran into my boss’s wife and some friends at Metro. Again, I could tell they smelled our date-ness. Gross. ‘Sandpaper’ was tired and suggested we head home and watch a movie. Despite not wanting, I obliged.

When we got home, he asked if he could take a shower while I walked my dog. Of course I said yes, then I took my sweet ass time walking my baby. I called some friends, Grindr’d, and smoked a fag or two. When I got back to my apartment, he was already asleep. I smoked a cigarette and took a shower. He half asleeply asked me if I was coming to bed soon, I said “after this cigarette” a few times. I decided to finish a bottle of wine that’d been sitting on my counter for the past week, smoke another cigarette, and go online. I don’t usually go to bed before it’s officially the next day. I finally gave in and laid down. He was somewhat annoyed that I stayed up, I didn’t care, he tried to hug me but I acted asleep and careless.

Friday morning I woke up at around 6 and just laid there enjoying an anxiety attack or two, and staring at the ceiling waiting till his alarm clock went off at 7:30 so he’d go to work. We woke up, barely kissed or fooled around and he took off. I went back to bed again for about an hour, and then went to work. The day was busy, it felt nice to get a lot of things accomplished. After work I hurried home, fed my dog, walked him, took a nap (I think), showered, and went back to 10 Degrees to meet ‘Jose Maria’, his two friends, and my friend ‘John G’ for some belated birthday drinks. Again, the heat was unbearable. It is almost hard to drink, and practically impossible to enjoy a cigarette. 10 Degrees was 10 Degrees. I don’t think they like me there, maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned to the bartender the other night when I saw him out that I don’t really like that place. ‘Jose Maria’ and ‘John G’ were outside smoking and I was tired of feeling hot inside so I paid for the bill and headed out. As expected, ‘Jose Maria’ went back inside to say bye to his bartender crush. I’m not even gonna go there because it’s nobody’s business but his and he knows what he’s doing.

We went to Phoenix for a second to meet some more friends. Phoenix was different than usual, but I guess there’s a new Friday night party. It was fun. Me and ‘John G’ left for a bit to go meet my friend ‘Sunshine’ at Bowery Hotel. We only stayed for a drink, which ‘John G’ manage to “leave” behind at a nearby planter, and then we went back to Phoenix. As we approached the bar, I noticed ‘Jose Maria’ talking to some hot Spanish guy outside. As always, he was acting a bit coy and uninterested. Uninterested my ass! We went inside and more friends met up. A weird situation developed. ‘Jose Maria’ and two other guys were all hitting on the same guy. It was fun to watch. I was tired and drunk, so I left them to finish their sword fight. The next day I found out that the most aggressive of them took the price home. I wasn’t surprised.

Work on Saturday was slow. There was not much to do as we’d done most everything the day before. I was talking to some 21 yr old on Grindr. I decided to meet him after work for a second, but more on that on a separate entry. Me and ‘The Lady of Derbyshire’ discussed the possibility of meeting later that night after work for drinks, but one thing led to another and she stayed in and it stayed local. I went to visit one of my good friends who I don’t often see at his apartment in Williamsburg. He had a small get together with other gays before they all went out to their respective clubs. Sadly, my friend has a broken foot so he stayed in. I walked by myself back to Metro. I ran into ‘The Mexican’. I haven’t really talked to him much lately, I think things just fizzled out and to be honest, it’s fine. He had way too many red flags. I’d rather just casually run into him and have a drink or two. He was talking to his friend and I was basically being ignored so I left and went to bed. I don’t enjoy the games.

On the Lord’s Day I surprisingly made it to work in time despite waking up a bit late and meeting some other guy from Grindr in the morning for a quick second (more on that on a separate post, as well). ‘The Lady of Derbyshire’ joined me at work and the day went slow. There wasn’t much to do, so we asked the owners if we could close shop early and head to SoHo house to meet a friend of mine for some pool time. We were granted the privilege to do so. I’ll end the post on this note. The rest of the day/night deserves its own post. Regretfully, I was stupidly drunk and am not proud of my actions. I am not sure how much I’m willing to talk about it, but I’ll try my hardest to stay true to the blog. After all, I’m sure a few weeks from now I will look back at this and laugh my ass off at how stupid I was and how stupid I felt.

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the.applied.process.

Category: Work

23.09.2011

Not Drunk Enough

18.09.2011

Hang With Me

16.09.2011

Everybody’s Working for the Weekend

11.09.2011

I Love New York

19.08.2011

Family, Fuck Buddies, and Fuckin’ Beyonce!

15.08.2011

Let the good times roll!

07.08.2011

A new exercise in quick entries: part deux.

04.08.2011

A new exercise in quick entries. I failed.

26.07.2011

Grind Date No. 7 & 8: Cupcakes & Clovers.

26.07.2011

It’s just another manic Wednesday/Thursday/Friday/ Saturday/Sunday…